clueless

nobody cares
2002-06-16 02:18:21 (UTC)

cant take it anymore

today i realized with the help with my friend that im
treated like shit every day
im always with these"flings" which treat me like im kind of
rag dool that can be thrown every which way, im like scared
out of my own skin to actually go home because of my
parents so im house wrecked an always on the road i can
have any where to call home because my house is the house
of hell. nothing goes well in there
i dont even get any privacy at all not even my own room it
seems like im just renting a place to stay and it seems
like they have control to beat me and abuse me mentally and
physically... it makes me cry every time that i have to put
one foot in that house and every time im with my friend
shes always with her boy friend so i have to call up one of
my "flings" so that wont feel like a third wheel and
instaed i feel like a cheap hooker or something that is
supost to please every guy and nobody stops to realise that
i have feelings too
its always : at home oh the precious prince(my brother) he
cant do anything wrong it must be her
at sch**l im every bodyies last resort when nobody else is
around except for a few friends who try to seem like they
care but nobody understands the shit that i put up with
every day and even when im not home or not with the guys
that treat me like crap i know that its going to eventually
happen... i cant even remeber the last time that someone
has told me how much i mean to them or even want to
listen... i mean when i am even at my friends house that im
at now there on the phone talking to who else her boy
friend who she cant go one day without rather having him
comeover here or talking to oon the phone for hours and
hours... dont get me wrong i think its great that she has a
boy friend and is happy its just i dont think its fair that
every time that i want to spend time with her " the only
one right now thats somewhat supportive" she always has to
have her boy friend involved in some way ......... i cant
take much more of this crap and i have no idea what to
do... i try to make it through every day thinking that
there must be hope theres gotta be i cant live another 4
years like this ill drive myself crazy i cant take it
anymooreeeeeee hellpppppppppppppp
sara


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