Scarlet's Life
2001-01-03 05:09:43 (UTC)

Well, I was sitting here at a..

Well, I was sitting here at a friends house and I thoug hup
this thing and thougt that I should type it up on here...

Why me
why my life
Everything was goin great
Till you walked in
My life has done a 360
I love you with all my heart
I'll lay down my life for you
but I hate you
Why did you choose to love me
Why did you have to hurt me like this
I hate you
You hurt me in to many ways
But my mind still comes back to you
Your my only true love
The look in your eye's completes me
I hate you so much
But I still love you
With all my mind and heart
My soul is yours
Don't ruin it
Don't hurt what you havn't already

Well.. I guess that't it.. I don't know what it really
means I got another letter from ben. I
iss him even more now. He said some stuff like if would
give up anything just so I won't have to feel any pain and
have a smile on my face... but when he hurts I hurt.. I
don't know anymore ... things are just a BIG haze.. I try
my hardest... I try soo much to be happy with all that I
have I don't know how to act anymore I mean I love my
life.. I have almost everything.. Things would b great if
Ben was here to hold me in his arm and I would know that
everything would be ok... I hate being someone that I'm
not I hate my self when I get like this.. but it's all I
know how to do.. Alll I know how to do is be someone that
everyone else wants to see.... maybe i'll try harder...
Maybe I'll try for the nest 10 months till Ben's out to do
what I want and not go out of bounce.... I mena I got a
guy that would Kill to be with me and all but should I
cheat... should I ruin what I have with Ben for that... I
don't know I can't think anymore this could is making me
crazy.. I can't think it's a headache... everything is a
headache.. my friends and family my life and the life that
I don't have I could be out there having the time of my
life but I just won't allow myself to..... I hate seeing
others suffer.. mainly when I can't do anything about it..
I try to keep everyone happy.. I try to then keep myself
happy...., I can't do this anymore... I better shut up
before I loose my mind.. I Better go before I loose my
life.. BYE