Thoughts from Blue Angel
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2002-06-14 22:39:00 (UTC)

Be Honest With Yourself... But What is the Truth?

I've come to the conclusion that telling people things is a
bad idea. Once I've expressed my feelings and opinions to
one person, especially when it's a controversial opinion,
it's as if I'm committed to that school of thought. I
personally like to be able to change my mind. I love the
freedom I have to keep my mind open to new ideas- even new
ideas concerning old subjects. I don't see changing one's
mind as being wishy-washy; I see it as being flexible.

I think I've said too much about my new ideas on love.
It's not so much that I don't think that way anymore; I
still do. But I find myself trying to reinforce it. I
often block out feelings which are contradictory to what
I've said. I cannot even sit and think about the positive
things about romantic relationships. I guess
subconsciously I am afraid that I will "give in" to what
I've been protesting. I don't WANT to change my mind, and
if I am not keeping myself open to the other side of
things, then my opinion is not entirely valid, because I'm
not allowing it to be contested.

Some people have said that this is just a feminist phase
I'm going through. Maybe they're right. But the simple
fact that they said so makes me want to prove them wrong.
So basically, I'm trying to reinforce a
belief/feeling/decision simply because it will hurt my
pride if I do happen to change my mind. Therefore, I'm
having a hard time opening my mind. So, I'm going to work
harder on trying to relax and be honest with myself about
my feelings. After all, no one will know what I'm thinking
but myself, and what good is it to lie to yourself?

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