Venus

I Used to be...Now I don't know
2002-06-14 14:36:18 (UTC)

6-14-02

Today I'm going to Portland to meet a friend from on-line.
He seems pretty cool. I talked to him on the phone
yesterday for like an hour. We've got quite a bit in
common, he's really funny. I'm a little nervous, though.
I want to make a good impression, but also be myself. The
problem is, I'm always a bit different in my writing than I
am in person. Its easier for me to sound intelligent in
writing (except if my spelling looks like shit...) than it
is in person. In person, I can't as easily change what I
want to say to sound just right, things just come out.
Here, and on paper, I can back up, or stop and think a
minute. But if I'm just talking, its not so easy to do
that. I just tend to ramble on, and who the fuck knows
what I'm saying? I have a wonderful tendency to make an
ass out of myself when I'm talking. Its not so bad in
front of my friends, they know I'm an idiot, but when I'm
meeting someone for the first time, I can't help
thinking "how long will it be before they figure out how
dumb I really am?" Some people its not a problem, they
make me feel comfortable from the start, but its always the
anticipation of, "is this person going to make me feel like
an even bigger ditz?" The anticipation is the worst
part... But I guess for today all I can do is wait, and
see...




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