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2002-06-14 08:13:04 (UTC)

and i know that all you're doing is playing your mind games...

yeah... hm. well ive pretty much given up on sleeping... i
just got home at 4am mom wasnt real happy but.. i cant say
no.. i went to dennys with robin chaz claudia tim alli
sebastien and some other girl... and then i came home to
sleep and i was losing it, being a loser i played a couple
of his songs and lost it and cut and was about to actually
fall asleep but gus called and i met them at mcdonalds..
and after a bit i was like im guna go cus i wasnt sure
about being around him anymore and i know i have to get up
early and work all day and matt was like i think im guna go
too so i drove him home.. yup... i dont even like todd
anymore, i guess thats good.. matts losing weight..
weird.. dawn comes back saturday... yay for that=) i cut at
work, at my fucking desk today i felt so shitty and
confused and stupid.. i fucking miss him so much now and i
dont want to think about it and i couldnt stop and my lead
was being a cunt and i tried to talk to claudia on a smoke
break and shes like "Look, I really dont care. I dont care
about anything to do with him anymore Im tired of hearing
about it" and i was like you know, i care.. i care more
than anything in the world and youre supposed to be my best
friend does that even fucking matter and god i feel so
fucking alone recently.. and i had two in my shirt pocket
and i just suddenly cut my hand and immediately instead of
feeling calm i was like im such an idiot... only when i
really lose it is it anywhere anyone sees and i get so
pissed that i did it.. at least i have a crazy bitch cat to
blame it on.. anyway im such a moron.. i have to remember
hes not worth it and i have to stop feeling this way its
gone on long enough he will never love me the way i love
him and anyway im done thinking i cant do it anymore