blueswede

The Nine Faces of Dave
2002-06-14 07:44:06 (UTC)

late hours of duress

I've been staying up late and sleeping in these past few
days, and it looks like tonight won't be any different.

So now for a little update on my life. I went through the
commencement ceremony last Sunday, which was dull, hot, and
way too long. I had to sing with the choir, hated that. Ah
well, I'm through with the whole mess now. Guess there's no
point in being pissed off anymore, at least not until I can
exact vengeance upon the guilty.

I sent an email the other day to a girl I'm crazy about (see
recent posts for details) and haven't heard back from her.
This suggests that she's left on her summer trip, so chances
are I won't hear from her until she gets back in town at the
end of July.

Whatever the case, this situation is not cool. We're not
going out, but we most likely would be if the decision were
entirely up to her. Her parents, however, don't permit her
to date. Needless to say, it's not much fun.

I haven't seen her since graduation, and even though it was
only five days ago, it feels like longer than that. I only
said hello, what with her family and friends being around,
and that was difficult. I wish I could have at least hugged
her, but it wouldn't have been prudent.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: my luck sucks.
I finally find myself liking a girl and there's some mutual
feeling, looks like maybe I finally won't be so damn lonely
all the time, and a third party prevents our relationship
from getting anywhere.

The worst part is, there's no clear way out. It's not like
rejection, where you can just say "Forget it, she doesn't
like me, time to move on." In this situation, it's "Damn,
the feeling is mutual and we can't do a damn thing about it,
at least not now." So you're left hanging on to some faint
glimmer of hope, waiting for the time to be right for things
to work out. And then if that time never comes, you find
yourself lost, and you realize you've spent all this time
and energy in what was ultimately a fruitless pursuit.

I can only hope things won't be like this in college. Who
can really say, though? I could end up being a Big Man On
Campus, or things could stay the way they are and I'll just
be a fat guy in a Hawaiian shirt.




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