Screaming Cathedrals
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2002-06-14 04:42:51 (UTC)

Yes, it s been awhile. I only..

Yes, it's been awhile. I only update this journal ever once
in awhile being that I have a DJ and it takes up most of my
time. But this journal is a bit more private than the other
one. Well, not really more private. More like, this one is
private from some people ... and the other one is private
from others.
It seems like my life can never be entirely private.
Everyone in this damned down always feels that it is thier
life's work to intterupt my existance somehow. Or at least
give thier two cents worth, whether it's to me or to who
ever else they wish to gossip about.
I never did anything to get such a reputation, that's what
I don't get. Sure, I can be a bitch at times, but so can
everyone. But at least I'm not a bitch ALL the time, which
is the way that it is here.
It doesn't seem like I have much lately. Not many
friends... James that has always been there and will always
continue to, Jon (of course), Eric, and well, that's about
it I guess. My workplace hates me for reasons unknown to
me. It seems that they've all held resentment against me
because I'm with Jon... and anything he's done, to them, I
too am accountable for.

He tells Heather that April doesn't really like her...
which she didn't... and then later April tells her cousin
that I'VE been running my mouth... even though I had
nothing to do with it. But, eh... It's not like she soiled
my reputation with it. I know Courtney, Heather's cousin,
because I went to school with one of her good friends back
in the day... and Heather hangs out with us sometimes. It's
just irritating.

I will have nowhere to live soon... and I can't go back to
mom's with Jon, and I'm NOT leaving him alone. Fuck that.
So the countdown has begun... I have about 2 weeks. But not
much surpizes me these days. It really hasn't been
effecting me much. Maybe I'm just going to explode one day
into a fit of rage from holding all this shit in. It would
feel nice, I'm sure. Maybe that's why I have such violent
dreams of myself either killing people brutally, or myself
being killed brutally. hmmm.

On the bright side, my car is in the process of being
fixed. Mom finally co-signed so that I could get that
credit card after I ragged on her because she signed for my
sister to get a 10K loan... and had a loan in her maiden
name for my brother's affairs. So it was only fair that
she just SIGN for me... it's not like I wanted her to pay
it or anything... I guess she just doesn't trust me.
I don't know why that's the case either. I've never done
anything to her. I've been the most responsible of all the
kids so far.
Yet another thing I seem to be guilty of that I had nothing
to do with.

None of this was my reason for posting. I can't even recall
what it was I wanted to post about. This was all just
senseless dribble for the most part, it seems. I don't
care. Maybe if I bore the shit out of the people who feel
they need to keep tabs on my life, they'll just leave me
alone for a change.