The Nightshade Princess
2002-06-13 23:18:29 (UTC)

Pain, made to order Pt 3

First, I found some old poetry, which I am re-writing
and adding to a new, blank book I found at a bookstore in
the Datona Mall. I would like to share some of it before
adding to the tale of pain that I am about to continue.


Petals of blood
Form a velvet heap in the dust
Carelessly cast away
Like garbage or spent tears
With satin hands I gather them,
And the stem, like an emerald knife
Without a handle
I hold close
Kiss the remains
I loved you
My flesh weeps crimson

A Poet's Madness

Sadness and rage swirl 'round me,
Darkening my vision
Of this wounded world
And the sinuous beauty
Of a velvet gown
Is lost on me
For the savage grace
Of its tears


Darkness and passion
You're a void set ablaze
And this thick, sensous fragrance
Awakens my desire
As my icy, silken hands
Wrap firmly around your waist
I let go of the day
And take you inside me
My addiction,
My poison lover
As I add your bitterness to my own


i have taken the kids
and moved back to my mom's
with money
you were probably saving for vodka
forgive me
you were abusive
so drunk and so cold


so much depends upon
a pure white
kissed with morning
beside the gray

Now the update: It seems I do not have to go back to
father's until Sunday, though I do not know the time. It
turns out that we cannot stop by my town to see my beloved
before I go. We leave tomorrow for that town 5 hours away,
but we shall not be long. To LesTaT, the love of my life:
I am so sorry we cannot see each other yet, but I shall try
to visit before I am given back on Sunday. Please keep
your schedule for that afternoon/eve open, for I do not
know when next we shall meet if it is not that day. There
has been talk of mother finally getting custody of me, and
father now knows that I no longer want to live in his
house. He is enraged I know, and I fear for my safety when
I do return.
There is a secret which I have faithfully kept for
years, since mother first moved out of the house and father
and I were alone. In those first months, he was fond of
hugging me, and his hands would frequently slip to my ass.
He would press me close to him, so that our stomachs even
touched, if you know what I mean. He made comments to me
that I did not like, but which were ambiguous enough that I
could not really use against him. He gave me looks which I
was not comfortable with and told me that, what everyone
else thinks is wrong, he does not. He made comments on my
looks and my ass, which also made me nervous. When we
bought clothing, he would always try to pick out things
that were short and/or otherwise revealing, and sometimes
made me wear them. My friends noticed some of these things
and several of them were worried, but we did not know what
we could do about it, since nothing he did constituted
actual abuse. I found out a couple of days ago that he did
similar things to my cousin also. Since my father can not
stay platonic friends with a woman without getting sex (I
swear to you that this is true, I am not saying this to be
mean at all), he soon enough lost interest in me. These
are things even my mother does not know.