2001-06-19 04:16:21 (UTC)

furious rose with your opiate eyes...

hello. this is really my first entry since last nights got
fucked up... soo... yeah. i guess i'll start with today
because i know i'll get tired of typing and tired in
general before i finish with all the backtracking that i
want to eventually do... today i woke up ass early and
picked him up and we met his sister at the hard rock for
what was supposed to be applications AND on the spot
interviews but was in fact just application sooo we went to
the store and got subs and went to carolines all day.. shes
really cool she showed me her photos and journals and stuf
and i like her=) her hairs pink cus i gave her some dye
and its cool and shes cool... anyway then i had to go to
work like a punk, i wanted to quit today cus i dread going
in there soo much and i think its corrupt and i hate what
im doing but mom said no and it really really pissed me off
shes been acting so bitchy to me lately and it makes me mad
cus i feel so sorry for her and i hate that mother fucker
for hurting her like this but i dont think its fair at all
to take it out on me, i wish she had some idea what just a
little comment from her does to upset me, it means a lot i
just feel really upset... well anyway work sucked no
details needed there its not worth it then i went to see
tomb raider with matt and caroline and some people. now im
really tired and im supposed to go chill with shley
tomorrow=) im happy i miss her and i really have felt
weird and wanting to be close to her lately and stuf like i
need her in my life and i hope that im not being selfish
and going to end up upsetting or hurting her in any way not
that she cares anymore anyway. hopefully it will all go
well=) i love her. i also love sam and matt and richard and kendra
in varying degrees of distance. i have decided that he
doesnt care at all about me... i dont know. its weird
sometimes i think he really does he just cant show it then
i think well if he cant show it it must not be that strong
then i think he doesnt at all... i'm not upset tonight but
lately ive been very upset and hating my life all over
again... i dont know whats wrong with me i just hope that
someday it all stops and i will be happy...
"She's been everybody else's girl, maybe one day she'll be
her own"