2002-06-13 03:20:42 (UTC)

Here I am again.

Today was interesting. But first let me keep you up to date
a little bit:

First of, school is officially over on the 23rd I think.
Next Friday that's for sure. I still haven't signed up for
Summer School. I was gonna call up Foreman today, but I
started my routine after getting home from school.
(Preparing food and eating it in front of the television.)
My appetite got ahead of me. I also applied for an
internship at the Theatre Building, and went for my
interview yesterday. It went okay, but I doubt I'll get it.
I hope I will. I could earn up to 1,900 dollars that way
for college. Plus Theatre is what I wanna do, so it would
help out alot in the long run. Because of that I'm cautious
about summer schools. The Steinmentz program would require
a 8 to 4 schedule for about 3 weeks. Getting from
Steinmentz to a whole different part of Chicago is really
bad. Especially since I wanna be in the internship as much
as humanly possible, and I don't know what kind of hours I
would be getting. I don't wanna cut class either. Holy
crap. I just remembered, I think I have my French Final
tomorrow, but I didn't take my books home. I really didn't
feel like studying or carying lately. Let me go on with my

We had the Case tests from Monday, to tomorrow. (4 days) In
addition to that, I also had a French and a Physics test
the Friday before. Didn't study for either. Oh well. I
didn't really care. Tuesday and Wednesday will be another
special schedule because we will be having finals. (In my
8th period final, we will have to put on an improv show.
That's the only final I like.) So much tests. I couldn't
take it anymore. I figured, since I'm passing all my
classes with good grades in most, I might as well not
study. So I didn't; for any of the tests above. I'll study
for finals though. Why? Cause I finally got a little

Today I finally did it. I saw Spider-Man! I took four trips
to see this movie. The first 2 times it was sold out, the
3rd time I came too late, the 4th time I went to the wrong
movie theater. So this time, since everyone has already
seen it, and I wanted to seek individuality, I went alone!
Yup alone. I don't care what my brothers or my mom thought.
They said how can someone, especially a girl, go to the
movies, alone at 6:50? I was asking and convincing her non
stop (except a bathroom brake,) for over an hour to let me
go, alone, and take the drive the car there and back. I
insisted that I will not let her or anyone drive me there.
She didn't wanna let me. Besides, there was hardly any gas
in the car. So we made an agreement. She would come with me
and see how my driving is still (since I haven't driven in
a long time,) to the gas station. She would help me pump
the gasoline, and then she would walk home. (Wanted some
excercise.) Afterwards it was all me.

We did get in a semi fight and I got really pissed. It was
over the dumbest thing. She didn't want me to be driving
bare foot. (She wanted me to put on some "real" shoes.) I
didn't wanna take off my flip flops. They matched my outfit
perfectly. I almost got to the point where she pissed me
off so bad that I just didn't wanna go at all because of
the bad energy spoiling the movie.

The movie was great. I got a great parking spot, and no
accidents. I was there right on time. Although I like
seeing the previews. Oh well. It was still great. The only
bad thing is that I got a pop, and had to go to the
bathroom in the middle of the movie. I didn't miss much

Everything went my way. I sat in the front section. About
6th, 7th row. I was so close that it felt like a personal
theatre. Just for me. So close. I like it that way. I think
that is the first statement I said using the word "I" that
actually has the most truth and emphasis on it.

I love going to the movies alone. I prefer it over going
with someone. Anyone. Well, maybe not anyone, well actually
yes, anyone. (Sorry Teresa, no offense.) It's just like
what you see above. I don't know who I am. I never knew. In
order to find that out, I gotta do things by myself. Try
things by myself. Then I'll know who I am, and hence I will
be able to act like myself in my surrounding. I did that
today. It was what I needed. What I longed for.

I checked out student apartments at Columbia, and they're
great. Not just like dorm rooms where you have a small room
with a desk, bed, closet, and place to put stuff on by your
bed. This is the whole 9 yards. Bathroom, kitchen, (with
fridge, micro wave e.t.c...) dining room, living room, and
bedroom. Now that's living. If you have a room mate, it is
all for the low, low price of 6,305 per year. If it's a
single apartment, which is what I prefer, it is 7 thousand
something. I need money. Mainly scholorships, cause a year
as a theatre major there would cost me 11,700. Plus that 7
grand would be practically 20,000 just for room and board.
(My friend explained some of this college stuff to me.)
Besides that, I still wanna buy a lap top, and hopefully be
able to have some veggetarian meals all the time. So I
would have to have a job that would pay me about 30,000
dollars a year. I don't think I would be able to get such a
job without much experiance in any field, plus being so
young. Hopefully that dental assistant job will pay off in
January, and I will eventually get more hours, and that
won't be a problem. I hope. I also doubt. But this is my
future I'm talking about here. I can do it. I know I can
because I reminded myself of some words I told my sister on
her birthday. That it is all about the state of mind. If I
can set my mind on a good win, then I will get a good win.
But if I fail in my mind for any reason, I am the only
obstacle in my way, and nothing will happen for me.

Because of tonight, I really wanna move out. (Hey that
rhymes. Kinda) I wanna find out who I am. What do I like.
Why I like doing those things. What are my opinions on
things. I'm tired of seeing things from everybody's point
of view. I wanna state my own. But I can't do that until I
know what it is. I've been writing character histories for
so many characters, yet I still don't know my own. College
would help me find that out. My friends as well. Although
if all this happens, the single apartment and the
acceptance to Columbia, then I will aim for Isolation to
achieve my goals. I won't put my friends out completely,
but I just wanna do things on my terms for once. People
usually take advantage of me and I let them. I gotta stop
that. Once I know I'm ready, I would reenter the world. I
want to get many scholorships, so I'm gonna volunteer alot
of differente places as much as possible. Though
independence and the kind of attitude I had today is
exactly what I need. It is exactly who I wanna be. Let's
hope all goes well with my acceptance first and foremost,
and then let's us worry about the single apartment. Well,
atleast me.

Love Always

"Don't Worry, Be Happy, Stay Peachy, and Keep on Groovin'!"