clueless

nobody cares
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2002-06-13 01:34:15 (UTC)

it scares me

theres alot going on in my life right now and i think my
parents are starting to catch on that im not as good as an
actress to try to be happy all the time and they ae asking
me whats wrong ... the thing is its them that is the
problem and i feel like things will never be the same again
they dont trust me at all but i guess thats mostly my fault
but still i hate it
my dad keeps on hitting me and i dont think he realises
how hard he hits me because im not a person who bruses
easily and in the past few days my leg are full with bruses
and i dont know whatto do
its not severeenough to go to the cops because he just hits
me as to "play fight" which i have no idea why he does t
because he's suppost to be the more responsible one isnt he

then theres my friends " so called friends" seems like they
are only interested in how i feel once they know that there
life is great and seems like they dont care . one of my
friends tho Bev thank god for her because she does listen
although she doesnt have all the answers and although i
know she tells her mother everything that i tell her it
doesnt bother me because i know her mother wont tell anyone
else as well...

im not sure how this fits all in but i'm really starting to
get interested in girls and yes i am a irl but it seems
like theres no body that i know that is in my situation and
i really want to be with someone i mean right now im dating
two guys one on saturdays and one on sundays and with
summer coming i know they'll want to see me more but the
thing is i dont like them the same way as they like me and
instead i kind of have a crush on this girl but there is no
way that i can tell her that i feel that way for her and
even if i could she is already with a boy friend and i know
she would never fall for me... ive liked her for 2 years
now and then when i ound out in jan hthat she was bi i
wanted to tell her but i was afraid and i missed my chance
but i knew she didnt like me that way and she already had
her eye on her best friend and they went out for 4 months
and then she became straight again so really i dont think
she was so mubh as bi as she wanted to expirement with her
best friend and now and her best friend dont even talk to
each other anymore

well i think im gonna stop rambling on and on over
everything thats going on in my life and try to think of a
new day ahead of me
luz of luv phoebs


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