lilith.

im bummed...

yup.. perfectly fine day..
yup..u would think so would u..
well fat hope.
it aint a good day so u better shut up about it..

so de thing buzzing in my mind is dis whole fat issue and
appearance, vanity, looking good deal...

ohmygod i have been so farkin bothered by the way i look it
totally dominates my whole self.. ok. im paranoid about
everything... from head to toe.. poeple just dont noe it..
i have terrible secrets i cant even disclose to anyone..
coz im simply a freak... dis vain freak. anyway..
mmmoovvinn on....

i think i look good in yellow eyeshadow.. i mean i tried
it one de other day and i thought i looked ok..
now dont go bitchin about my ass now, coz it aint everyday
that u go praising urself..
so i was thinking.. im not dat bad, its just eyeshadow..
but then will i move on to compact powder next..mascara
next and god-noes-what after that?? i mean wow.. what is
up here.. what is coming to me?

sometimes its like so tiring to even think of such issue..
i mean why should i let something taht incorporates with
something tahts transient affect my life so much.. slapping
my forehead i go, coz ure a teenager..

but you noe i have more to worry abt rather than my
appearance...
ahh blardy shit.

i think im fat... i think im overweight... i mean i weigh
so much and when i think abt it, i wonder how i would be
when lets say i turn 23..
oh my goD!!! somebody give me those celery sticks..!!! ok
no forget it.. somebody give me masking tape to tape my
mouth...!!!

im fat!!! help...!!!!
and no... telling me taht being fat means having more space
to love is crap.

help me.
-xingxing