Nick's Journal
2002-06-12 03:58:39 (UTC)

not capitalized

i came up with a good idea for the law firm i work at. i
proposed a "crazy" day. i imean come on.....lawyers? i
don't want to say that they're stiff but sometimes i can't
tell the difference between the attorney and the 99 yr.
old corpse of a woman he's representing.
elderly law. but i'll get to that
actually i'll get to that now.
jesus lord. i know you people have been around since the
native americans still had some dignity but can't you all
croak sometime? please?
and if you don't. don't come to me when i'm at the
receptionist desk. if you can't pronounce your attorney's
name and the big oaf pushing your wheel chair can only
grunt at me, making me believe i took his banana, then
please just croak.
anyhow. the crazy day. i got it while i was in the supply
"michelle, how would you feel about a 'crazy' day?"
"........., 97,98,99" (she was counting legal pads)
"like for example, we could change the name of the legal
pads to "barely" legal"
"111,112," (i did get a curious look that time)
"or this shit" i picked up two binder clips, "turn binder
clips into nipple clamps, see you have the different
sizes, small, medium, large, giant.....for the really
kinky.....wouldn't that be funny?" (a grin and then we
move on to the toner for the copy machine)
"gosh darnit" one of the ladies there was using the copier
and she had a peculiar habit of not cussing no matter
what. i mean shit, she never cussed.
she could shred legal document after legal document and
just peddle in non-offensive language.
so i chimed in with a corny joke for the corny catholic,
"boy....i swear that copier has a dual feature of a PAPER
SHREDDER....ahahahahaha......yes that was a grand joke
wasn't it? thank you mildred, thank you, no really too
kind.....let's have another martini"
for corniness one needs corniness.
the bank i usually go to got robbed.
matt (the guy who got robbed) was unphased.
"so i heard you got robbed yesterday, musta been scary"
"eh, shit happens, what can you do about it?"
ummmmmmmmmm, i was quite puzzled. i'd still be screaming
like a little bitch.
he wnet on as if nothing happened. i'm sure you could rape
his mother in front of him and he'd just sigh and throw
you a condom. weird people we have in our world.
jared did all of his work. i knew it now he doesn't have
anything left to do.....i told ya jared. now he's running
around like he has his pubic hairs all in a bunch. i just
sit and stare at my screen.
thinking of what would happen if i closed the "door" to
my "office". hahah, they'd freak.
and then i realized something.
the guys that sat in my chair at college before me
probably jerked off while sitting in it.
aw shit. why? it's 3:15 p.m., i don't need to think about
that. i squirm in my chair at the thought, then i think of
the showers and feel sick.
msg from peking lit my anus up like vietnam during lunch.
the only thing more embarrassing than turning the law
firm's stall into the harlem riots, is doing it without
being able to lock it.
i'm tired, so i go sleep now