clueless

nobody cares
2002-06-12 00:55:23 (UTC)

Help ME

i need serious help and i dont know where to look i need
someone who can tell me everythiing will be alright but no
body does they just all say the same things "you are so
wierd" or "you are stupid" and it hurts it really does
i'm starting to questioned alot of things first my parents
wont even let me have any freedoom i have to be locked up
in the house all day and the only time i can go outis if
that going out place is school or work. i hate my life and
eveything about it i use to think and my friends, teachers
and co workers would tell me that no matter how bad it gets
it will eventually get better but now i feel im loosing my
reputation so bad and now people refer me to be the
depressed easy slut wich isnt who i am at all, i feel like
im just a yo yo getting pulled up and down and it seems
like the only way i can fall asleep at nights is by maing
myself get smuthered in my pillow from crying and taking
several pills to make me pass out... theres no reason for
living and no body even reaches out to me sometimes i even
question my own personality i look at myself in the mirror
and wonder who i really am and y is my life so bad i use to
love myself for being just me and nobody else but now i
find that i hate yself so much and cant stand being around
myself it killes me inside. im always crying inside even
when i try to put on a show i guess thats the benefits of
being in drama is that u can pretend to be happy alot of
time when really your screaming inside. is there anymore to
life than this? because my life is crap... i used to be a
fun loving life kind of person but the last time that i
remember being half happy was about 3 years ago when i was
in middle school and even then i knew that my friends were
changing and so was i... anyways im not gonna ramble on
anymore for now
c ya
luz of luv
phoebs