The Boy Looked At Johnny
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2002-06-12 00:26:04 (UTC)

An' he knows what he's got to do

Addendum to boring notes on romance:

OK, I think that stuff I wrote the other day was actually
total bullshit. I'm referring of course to yesterday's
entry. It wasn't intentional bullshit, but all the same...

Look, the thing is, once you've been in love with someone,
once you've felt those sensations, you never forget them.
Period. Sometimes I guess it gets submerged, but it only
takes the smallest gesture, the most off-the-cuff remark,
the most seemingly-insignificant glance from somebody, and
whoosh! It all comes tumbling back. All the giddiness and
terror and craziness that goes with "love" -- whatever
messy combination of hormones, sex, spiritual kinship,
desire for companionship, mental connection and miscellaneous nice
feelings that word entails -- is never too far from reach. You're
sitting at the table eating cereal and think to yourself
how irrelevant the whole experience is to your
permabachelor lifestyle, and all of a sudden, wow! That
friend of yours' romantic musings make a whole hell of a
lot of sense. Sometimes, in fact, all it takes is a cute
librarian giving you her number.

Which is exactly what happened last night. We got to
talking, this very cute librarian and eye, and she gave me
her number and told me to call her if I heard about any
interesting shows. And I'm not saying anything will work
out between us, but the point is that I was really
surprised how quickly my heart was going, and how soon I
was sitting on the bus back home, making googly eyes out
the window and daydreaming about indie-rock dates on the
waterfront and and holding hands and flowers and dancing
together and making out to Yo La Tengo records and endless,
meandering late-night conversations about that Sonic Youth
album that changed your life and that embarrassing thing
that happened to you in middle school you haven't told
anyone about and how you secretly think Andrew W.K. is
pretty know what I'm getting at.

So, alright. I rescind everything. So I wrote: "you just
pass on to this realm where the idea of 'love' makes no
sense at all. It's like something that has nothing to do
with your life." Ha ha. It's just really funny how quickly
you can get turned around. And how dumb and pretentious it
can make you feel about your own lumpheaded philosophizing.

Like I said, there aren't any guarantees here. I'm quite
aware I said I wouldn't be pursuing any girls, so I'm going
to take this slow and work my way towards a friendship, and
try to not have expectations. But you know, sometimes you
get that stupid, shocking, bubbling, blistering, blissful
feeling in your gut, and it gets your priorities all
screwy. And you start to think: you know? I don't care. Who
knows why tis stuff happens, or why it happens so fast? I'm
not the one to answer that. But when it hits, it just
rearragnes everything. And it makes me chuckle. Ho ho ho.

Oh...Jessy, by the way. The librarian. That's her name.

I'll be sure to tell you everything.

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