clueless

nobody cares
2002-06-11 21:56:29 (UTC)

life through my eyes

Lately it seems like there’s nobody who cares and all my
friends say they do but they never show it but oh well
that’s another story my parents never want to listen and I
guess ill never be trusted again but do they care when I
really need to talk to them? No they just turn their backs
on my and start yelling about anything that they can think
of blaming on me. I’m suppose to be enjoying my life as
long as I have because u never know when ur gonna go and I
feel like my time is running out it seems to be im a bad
influence because others have told me that there spouses
say don’t do something like that because ur copying that
immature girl referring back to me… someone once told me
that I should try to look for help so I did but found
myself in more trouble than I was in the first place
because most people tell me I should act my age and when I
went to help they told me I should be more like a little
child. That did me no good because everytime that I try to
distract myself from all my life problems it seems life
gets more unbearable and I think would anyone ever notie if
I wasn’t here, lately it seems like im being abused and
taking avantage of me and peple call me names and although
I make it seem like it doesn’t bother me it really does and
I feel like just crying because im really not that way…
maybe if someone actually took the time and listened or
even directed me in the riht way things might be better but
I doubt they would be, what scares me the most is that
summer vacation is only a few days away and I don’t want it
to come… most people reading that would be shocked
especially if u were a student from school like me and im
not a nerd or anything because really I hate school
probably more than most people but I find sitting in class
is the only place that I feel safe from the outside world
because even spending time with my friends I find it
difficult sometimes because people find that im to
depreesed of I change my emotions to frequently and it
seems like we never get involved in anything, but I guess
that’s my own fault now isn’t it but I guess if I had to
come home to such a dysfunctional family it might be one of
the answers to my problems. I live with both of my parents
yes and I know a lot of my friends would say u should be
grateful of that but it seems to be that I cant go one day
without getting into a fight with one of them or both and
all my brother ever does is pick on me even more and I try
to hide the scars left afterwards I also live with a mental
handicap which I have to put up with and have had to put up
with for 6 years now and it is so fustrating because she
gets on my nerves so much I feel like just telling her off
she gets all the attention although shes 31 and still
living with us but I guess its not her fault mainly my
grandmothers for dropping her off here with no warning. The
think that bothers me the most is that my father cant talk
to me without saying something so disturbing and keeps on
asking me the same question over and over… my mother
ignores me when I tell her I had a bad day at school or
even when I had a good one… I’m not the best student
actually very far from is but when I do a good job on a
test I feel so happy until I tell someone about it my
parents could care less because my brother is a straight a
student but that’s just noe me I struggle to get a 60 on
most of my test and my friends or even fellow students
rather say “ that’s nothing look wut I got” and that’s just
a slap in the face or “ so I did worse than that” wish also
hurts because im saying how well I did when really they
think I mean the oppisite but that’s how my life is nobody
cares and no body understands but I guess that’s how it
will always be… wow this was a very emotional … whatever
this it letter,, entry I guess but I guess writing it down
really helps and I would love to get some feed back but
please don’t write me if u have anything worse to say or u
think my problems are nothing compared to urs because I
really need to feel better about myself I don’t need
anymore mental abuse right now.
Bye for now
Luz of luv phoebs


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