Don't touch me, I'm special
the beginning of the end
My name is Sarah. I'm an impolite freak who nobody really
likes very much. I don't mind, I don't really like most of
them either. I'm not a people person. What I want out of
life is a pet chinchilla and a career that will make me
rich and famous but not hated or a sell out. The closest
I'm going to get to that is a pet hamster.
I should probably introduce all of the idiots who are
involved in my life:
ME (Sarah): I'm 15, I live in San Diego, I'll be in 10th
grade next year at a preppie magnet (art) school which I
hate, everybody hates me and I hate them back, and I am
EMILY: My 13 year-old sister. She is an obnoxious,
spoiled, hypocritical poseur. She thinks she's a "cool
punk rocker" cuz she wears Dickies and Converses and she
listens to Social Distortion, just like every other damn
poseur in town. She lies about everything and she's fake
and annoying as hell. She is a goodie two shoes and a
tattle tale and she says that anarchism is stupid (but she
downloaded Anarchy in the UK off Napster and she says she
likes the Sex Pistols) yet she calls herself a punk. Oh
yeah, and she's never even been to a show, but she still
thinks she's such a cool little punk. I have news for you,
bitch. Punk is dead, and if Johnny Rotten could see you
and all the others like you, he would spit on you and KILL
BARBARA (my mom): She's really stupid and she'll agree with
anything anyone says just so they'll accept her cuz she is
an insecure bitch. She's oppressive and fascist and she
won't let me do anything cuz she grew up in a hick town
with Catholic parents. So, since she had no life as a
child, I'm not allowed to either. She is a Democrat, but
since my dad is a Republican, she pretends to like George
W. Bush. When she is with somebody who doesn't like George
W. Bush, she is suddenly Democratic as fuck again. She is a
blithering idiot and I wish she would get deported or
RICK (my dad): He's really rude and annoying and abusive,
and I suspect that he is a pedophile. He is a shit talking
backstabber. So is my mom, in case I forgot to mention
that. He thinks he's right about everything and he refuses
to look at anything from anyone else's point of view and he
refuses to admit when he is wrong. He listens to Carole
King and he loves Rush Limbaugh and George W. Bush. He
gets to meet lots of famous people because he is one of the
only Jewish Republicans in the world. I.E., he is rich and
he has a nice car.
GRANDMA AUDREY (paternal grandma): She's just like my dad
only she is a Democrat and she's even worse than he is.
She is one of those old, fat people that goes to the mall
and says "Oh my God! Look at all these fat people!" when
most of them are not even half as fat as her. Everytime
she comes down from LA, she asks me if I know anybody that
does drugs. (Everybody I know does drugs.)
LAURA A. (my "friend"): I have known Laura since 7th
grade. We have nothing in common and we don't really like
each other, but we both hate all the preppie art fags at
our school, and it's fun to have someone to make fun of
people with. She is a ghetto redneck and I am a midget
freak, but we get along alright.
SONIA MO. (the wildebeest): She thinks I'm her friend.
She follows me around and tells people that we're best
friends. She is trendy as fuck and she is the richest,
most spoiled person I know. She's a wannabe prep/a wannabe
stoner. That's just pathetic. If you have to PRETEND to be
a prep or a stoner, you are more pathetic than Rod Stewart
in a plaid tutu.
SHAUN G. (friend?): We're sort of friends, I guess. We
both like blading (there is no room left for us fruit
booters in the trendy world of skateboarding) and drawing
pictures of people. The difference is that Shaun is good
at both of them and I am not. We argue a lot and her twin
brother, Joel, the asshole, is my arch nemesis. Her entire
family hates me and they almost sued me once, and then this
guy named Rob started this huge rumor about it and pretty
soon people were asking me if when I was going to jail.
DANIELLE M. (she eats lunch under the tree with me, Shaun,
Sonia, and Laura): Danielle is pretty cool. I don't know
her that well, but I guess we're sort of friends.
SHAWN ELLIS (Forrest Gump with boobs): I have known him
since 7th grade and he's one of the stupidest most
obnoxious people I have ever met. He asked me if we were
in Spanish 5-6 or Spanish 3-4. He doesn't know
what "prueba" means (we were in Spanish 5-6). He is semi-
retarded, an Anime freak, and he has boobs. He always
bugged me and my friend Jeanette during Spanish, and then
he followed me, Amy, and the other Sarah during martials
arts (PE). I think he likes me.
CAITLIN (my sister's best friend): She comes to our house a
lot cuz her mom, Debby, is really overprotective and
paranoid and she's not allowed to stay home alone. Emily
is always really rude to her, so I'm not exactly sure why
she is her best friend.
COLLEEN (Caitlin's 10 year-old sister): She's really
annoying and she's a goodie two shoes tattle tale.
Basically like my sister without the wannabe punk poseur
LIZ (my mom's "friend"): She is supposedly my mom's
friend, but she hates my mom, just like everybody else
does. She is a secretary at my school and she's pretty
LIBBY (Liz's 13 year-old daughter): She's pretty cool,
except that she lost my giant Sticky Hand last week. If it
weren't for her, I would never get to go to the beach.
Uh, well, that's enough people for now. Obviously, I know
more people than that, but I hate most of them and I don't
particularly feel like talking about them right now.
I spend my days watching TV, writing songs about all the
assholes I know, and when I'm lucky, I get to go boogie
board, but I am not lucky very often, as you will see if
you continue reading this pathetic excuse for a journal. I
like TV a lot and I couldn't live without it. I also like
music. My favorite bands are Sublime, Anti-Flag, and Sex
Pistols. I like music, but I could live without it. I
could not live without TV. Well, I could, but then I would
probably be a suicidal self-mutilator with an eating
disorder and depression.
I do not have any talents or funny stories to tell you.
All I have is vertical challengedness and lots of
problems. But I don't have any diseases, despite the lies
my parents like to tell my teachers. Fuck school and fuck
my family. But not literally. I am not into incest.
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