2002-06-11 06:10:12 (UTC)


Well I thought it mighta been kinda good. I sorta liked
him. He's pretty cute, smart. Mature. In law school. :P I
shoulda known better I guess. I saw that chick hitting on
him when he was talking to me but he didn't seem
interested. Oh well. He's a guy, and he was drinking. Guys
do dumb things when they're sober so drunk boys shouldn't
be expected to be any smarter. Maybe they were only out as
friends -- but I doubt it. Oh well. I guess I shouldn't
really have a boyfriend now anyways. Maybe it's too soon,
but it's not like I'm having any kind of hard time dealing
with breaking up with dan aside from still being pissed off
that he treated me so bad. I don't want him back, I don't
miss him. I just wish it never happened, and that I was
never so stupid. I'd like to have some kind of
reaffirmation that maybe not all guys are like that. All
the boyfriends I've had have been like that. I figured
maybe one would come along and I'd sorta be able to realize
that ther are some out there who aren't like that, that
some of them are respectable honorable people.
Status Report: No sign so far.

On a positive note, I got a job last week when I went for an
interview. It's with the government so it pays well. It doesn't start
till the first week of July but it's a lot better than nothing. So
that's good I guess, at least. I had to go buy a whole bunch of
clothes cuz now i have to dress business like and none of my clothes
really fit into that category. So that was a quick $100 gone in one
day. Which kinda hurts cuz I usually only get about $200 a month with
the pt job i have now :P. ick. oh well. gotta spend money to make
money i guess.

why do I still kind of sort of want a boyfriend? Shouldn't I have
learned by now?
how much time did i spend on the Judge thing that got me nowhere but
worse off then when I started? I think if everything is counted it's
like 4 months or so.
Dan... that works out to about 4 months too. 8 months sure doesn't
sound like a lot. But it's 8 months that i'll never have back. A lot
of wasted energy. A lot of crying. And a lot of treatment that I
didn't deserve. Yark. The average age for Canadian women to get
married is 27. I can't stand another 7 years worth of this garbage.
(and then how many years afterwards once I pick the least repulsive
of the lot and spend the rest of my life being treated basically the
same way as I've been so far?) damn that's not very optimistic. I
should be more optimistic. Someone will love me some day. Hrm. I'm
not convinced.

Went shopping with Lori today and got her somthing to wear to her
athletic banquet. Then we went to perkins with leanne and i tried
pretty hard not to mention anything about dan cuz if i do it's just
met with silence on her part anyway (she sort of seems to think she
should protect him or something... like i'm at fault here i guess. I
don't really know. But why the fuck he's being protected I don't
understand and I resent greatly). Then she mentioned that she saw the
guy (the law school guy) at a movie with some chick on Sunday which
kind of irritated me. Frustrated is a better word I guess. I kind of
liked him. He's pretty cute. He seemed almost like he was interested
in me. Maybe he's just too nice. I dunno. Plus when I met him on
Friday he was drinking. Guys do stuff like that when they're
drinking. Just look at his friend who was trying to pick up girls
even though he's already got a girlfriend :P
Guys are so disgusting.
So yeah. They always seem great at the begining. I get so hopeful all
the time "yeah THIS ONE is going to be better" maybe THIS ONE will
treat me good.. THIS ONE will like me and not just pretend to, to -
get back at his ex - use me to get some action - look cool to their
friends etc... and they all turn out bad. I guess in this specific
instance it didn't turn out too bad though. Yeah he doesnt like me.
At least he didn't date me for three months anyway!!!!