Lenore the fool

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2002-06-11 03:51:09 (UTC)

I ve ben having a weird..

I've ben having a weird weekend. odd and severe mood swings
and self loathing but at the moment I'm on the up swing. I
figured out part of what my problem was. See my life feels
pretty shitty right nowwhich is not out of the ordinary but
it felt as if time would be this way forever. Like Nothing
would ever change...I think that's what sets people into a
depression the illusion of no change. I was in the no one
will ever love me, no one finds me attractive, i suck and all
that crap sprial...but even though it is hard right now for
me to imagine i tihnk things will get better. If you realize
that you are never stuck anywhere it is so much easier to be
happy and be able to dream and hope again. And when you are
able to dream......well simply the world is such a better
place. I'm tried of being the sobbing idiot. And although
I'll have a scar propbably for the rest of my life I think it
helped in a weird way. I think it made me realize how messed
up i am. And i realized that I do love and care for Dave and
always will, but i don't want to date him...I just want a
good friend...I just wish he didn't get a girlfriend so fast
cause now he desn't have time for me when i need him. I
guess i just took him forgranted....fuck it i know i did. I
just wish he'd be my bestfriend right now cause i can't talk
to any of my other friends. And I'm sorta worried about my
burn....i'm sure it'll be fine. In any event life will go on
and i will be happy I'm tried of being pathetic I have issues
but i'll deal and it's bad to show people your weaknesses
anyway.

I got hope and I'm never letting it go.


~Lenore*


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