A Place of Lost Hope
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2002-06-11 03:38:59 (UTC)

So angry with myself

Have you ever gotten to the point where your so
frustrated with someone that you never want to talk to them
again? Well, I have and it's happening now. I can't help
but look at Samantha, my baby sister, and Jay, the a
potential love interest, and think about how much I don't
want to talk to her. You see, Samantha knows how much I
like him, and still hangs all over him. Now, don't get me
wrong. I love that the two of them get a long with one
another, but I don't like them getting a long this well.
Frankly, it scares me and I think that might be the reason
I'm not eating.
Now before you start thinking I'm anorexic or
anything a long that lines, I'm not. Please....I think I
would be the last person to get that. However, as of late
I haven't been on the best of eating schedules. I mean,
that last decent thing I had to eat was about five days
ago, and even then I wanted to be sick after taking the few
bites that I did. I don't know what it is. I think that
it's the simple fact that this guy, that I so desspretly
want to have, has told me time and time again that he likes
the mid portion [from about mid stomach to mid thigh] of a
woman. That's something that I don't have, and I think
that because of that my body has essentially told my
stomach to stop eating. I mean, in the long run it might
do me some kind of good. But right now, everyone is
starting to think that I have this mental disorder that
I've tried so hard to help my friends out with. I think
that I would be the last person that anyone would expect to
have something like that.
But, back to the topic at hand shall we. You see,
I want to spend time with Jay alone, but that's near
impossible because we somehow always wind up around people
one of us know. I just don't know what to do anymore. I
know that I can't say something unless he feels the same
way I do. You see, I treasure the friendship that he and I
share, and there is nothing in this world that I would want
to come between that. I won't let myself ruin something
that I hold so dear to my heart.