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2001-06-18 04:07:14 (UTC)

Little help here?

it is human nature to need someone...... isn't it?

i don't want a relationship.

i don't want love.

i don't even want sex.

i just need someone to be with...... someone that i can sit
with and just hug..... someone that will be there when i
need her.... someone i can lean on.....

why can't i have that? who is it that says i have to be
alone? i do wish someone could tell me why.....

*chuckles* and then there is the dilemma of my inability to
fully express the problem to the one person i can talk
about it with.... i tell her everything, and i have told
her my problem.... it is still hard to talk about
though.... there is one main problem.... she says she is
sorry she can't help me..... and she wishes there was
something to do, but there is something she could do....
and this is the problem.... i can't tell her this, because
i know she doesn't really want to and if i said anything i
wouldn't trust her reasons anyway..... actually..... i
don't know.....

i just need someone to want to hold me, i mean, it is the
actual physical comfort that is important..... but i think
equally important is that someone wants me..... and i can't
seem to get that..... i wish..... actually i don't know
what i wish and it wouldn't matter anyway, wishes never
come true.....

i really don't know what to do.....

as it is i'm lonely to the point of utter misery..... i
just don't want to be by myself right now, but that is

what i would give to no longer feel so alone.....

Everyday is another toss of the dice.

~~Fortis Exaequo Vita~~

sometimes i think the dice are loaded by the house....

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