It's ok to be crazy
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2002-06-10 09:56:24 (UTC)

at the bottom

for the first time i reached the end of my rope. i
reachedthe cliff and decided to jump. i tried to kill
myself on thursday. i look at it now and know that it was a
very poor attempt, but there is no doubt that i did
attempt. frank came over in the morning and all i could do
was cry, for no reason other than i just didn't know how to
deal with anything. frank left when it was time for me to
go to work and i went to take my meds and had a hard time
stopping. i took 15 instead of the normal dosage of one.
and went on my merry way to work. when i got there i told
aimee i wasn't feeling well and asked to be sent home
early. within 10 minuts of being there the pills had
takenhold of my body. i was shaking uncontrolably. i
remember looking in a mirror and seeing eyes that i didn't
know. they were bright red and glazed and i looked like i
was about to die, my lip was quivering and i knew i had
made a stupid mistake. aimee sent me home as soonas she
could an i went straight to frank's house. i stayed there
untill the pills had worn off andi could function enough to
get myself home. i didn't tell anyone what happened. i went
to see my doctor the next day, i didn't tell him either. he
switched me over to prozac and suggested that i seek
therapy and drop out of school and find something that i
love and do that.
so i guess i am a fashion school drop out. eh...i'm over it.
but i feel new now and i feel so much lighter.
so i am going to start school in the fall at the local
community college. i want to be a counselor. so i can help
people like me and maybe i can tke some art classes too.
that would be awsome!
i'm excited to have this chance to start a new life. not
everyone gets this chance and has people that support them
in their choice.
now i just need to find a new therapist so i can get my
head straightened out.