Realizations of a 24yr old convict
2002-06-10 04:00:24 (UTC)

what the fuck do you do when you foundation crumbles....

I was never a big antarchist punk I like the concept its
always amused me much more then the new socialist party
punks “what the fuck were they thinking”, then again nazi
punks fuck off I wouldnt go that far either there all just
lost and confused,like we all are and for those of you who
belive in what ever holds your world together the glue you
use or sniff to be able to wake in the morning, your God,
your social structure. I was the mad punk rawk kid though
maybe more then my friends but under different beliefs my
hatred was bread. Fuck the America dream that’s me that’s
what pissed me off that’s what I hated that’s what fueled
the fire.
Fuck the American dream: is this it is this what
were offered for our hard work and sacrifice. Wife in the
house pounding one more piece of cheesecake to make up for
her broken dreams. Her insecurities eating her alive making
it impossible to offer herself or understanding to this man
who’s trying so hard. A man who works day and night to
support her and his kids who have no respect or love for
him just that hate and disrespect we all offer our parents
in youth. A man who has a fat mortgage car payments
weekends filled by his to do list, and for what. To live
in his converted garage to escape from this insane life his
built himself into. A man who wakes one day to realize
hell never have another stewardess or cutie from the coffee
It’s fucking sick and we all buy it every day
bread into it ingrained since were little ones burnt into
our brains from childhood story’s to everything we see and
know. Take a look folks do the math watch your parents
your neighbors the fucking TV the shit don’t work.
So that’s it fuck the bullshit your preaching
your political movements and idealoligys. Watch the fucking
road people!!!!!
So yeah this aint about any of that, Just understand
Ive belived and lived by those thoughts my whole life.
Everyday I find my self watching the people how fucked up
it all is and I think “Welcome to the American dream” and
its fucking sick. This stories about a girl. A girl who
could never understand why things are the way they are
could never understand……
A girl who when I look at or even see for a few
hours sends me into some vicious spin for days and know the
cycles become so vicious I don’t really no what to do.
When I look onto her beautiful eyes, I guess I’ve gazed
into a million times,
I want it all, all the things in life I despise and hate
every last one of them I want with her
And I know it’ll be just the way ever story is, every one I
see yet I still want it more then anything the kids
mortgage I saw her once sorta chunky that day and I thought
you know Ill love her no matter what, really that’s all I
could think. I think that’s the day that did me in just
realizing that none of it mattered to me she is perfect her
eating the infamous “one more piece of cheesecake” and Id
be fine with that in fact its almost perfect.
So now its all begun to fall apart everything is
blurring. So I ask you what the fuck do you do when your
foundation crumbles when a feeling challenges all your
beliefs? Like some atheist who finds god, what then…
Fuck I cant even look at her in those eyes she
doesn’t understand at all and she’s right I am a whore, And
godamm she is all I really want I enjoy it I long to run
with these girls and I’ve felt for so long that I just
needed to get it all experience it all but maybe not maybe
it could just be her. You know whats hot have you ever
really thought about this Saturday evenings hundreds of
thousands of girls all over the world beautiful girls with
stories to tell and souls and bodies to love are throwing
on their sexiest panties to go out and play, play with boys
just like me. And then there she is this fucking girl this
beautiful creature who leaves me in constant amazement of
course she new all the words to “outlawed heart”

She’s the one the only ones who makes me think I don’t have
enough to offer,
She the one who makes me insecure makes me nervious. Why
her I guess we can’t call these things huh, who the fuck is
Da…. G…. that’s all I could think. I had to leave or I
would have asked her to marry me……..
So like I said what do you do when you foundation
crumbles, You Fucking hold on to what ever may be left any
fragment in hopes to reinstate your beliefs. For me well
After heather I’m feeling a little better and after the
girl at the video store and jamie and her roomate Ill be
just fine.