good times, good times
2001-06-17 19:17:17 (UTC)

the first day's been a hell of a day

i broke up with him friday cuz loves me too much. is that
stupid? no ones ever loved me like that. but i don't love
him the same way. or mabey i do. but whatever. we're so
different, and he wants to get married. he changed colleges
just to be near me, and that's why i broke up with him. i
can't marry him. marriage is such a strain without adding
the fact that we don't believe in the same things. i
believe in god, and he couldn't care less about it, among
other things. despite our differences, i love him so much,
and he loves me even more. put his whole heart into me, so
how could i continue in a relationship that i know is gonna
be over eventually? better over now at ten months than two
more years right? yeah. that's what i keep telling myself.

more happiness today... it's fathers day. the worst holiday
of the year. daddy died 5 years ago. it's so hard. then the
sweetest most aweful thing happend. i was talking to M and
he told me that he was gonna visit his grandpa. i didn't
know his grandpa was at the same place as daddy. i told him
that i cant go to the cemetary to see daddy. too hard. i
cry so hard i can't see straight, and have to breathe in a
paper sack. i just can't take it. he told me i would be ok.
i told him yeah, i would just cry till i couldn't anymore.
drive and cry. that helps. he signed off. then he got on
again and told me he would swing by and say hi for me to
daddy, cuz his dad said that it was at the same cemetary. i
can't believe what a sweetheart he is. it's so sweet.
matt's the best guy i know.

my other traumatizing experience wouldn't be traumatizing
normally but i'm already all emotional, so it's getting to
me. my best friend in the world who knows stuff about me
that i dont' even know is at her college orientation today.
the problem that i have with this is that her orientation
is at tech--4 hours away from msu. i'm really sad bout that.

well that's today, so now i'll go play tennis. take out
some frustraition on the lil yellow ball. that always helps