The Muffin Man

My Favorite Courdaroys
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Ezoic
2002-06-09 17:41:51 (UTC)

This sucks

No... this fucking sucks. I was supposed to spend a measly
5 hours with trika today. I guess thats way to fucking
much to ask. Cause ya know even if mary hadnt been able to
bring her over i told trika my parents could get her. Then
trika wakes up when marys alarm goes off. Oh go back to
bed. And then so trika is made to have to say mary brings
pizza back after work. And then mary has to take trika
with her to her blue jeans thing. Just fucking great. I
mean i know theyre best friends and all but i dont even get
to talk to her let alone see her it seems like. Yes i had
senior ball last night. It was great. Drop trika off she
says shell see me tommorow. Get called 2:30 in the
morning, of yea i cant come over tommorow morning buy.
Doesnt give me a chance to ask why. Ok so i call and see
if she can come over. Oh I have to ask mary. I knew mary
wouldnt let her. Jeeze is it so much to ask just to see my
girlfriend. Last time i saw her before last night was half
a year ago. God I hate this. Why do I always get my
fucking hopes up. Jesus christ its like people try to get
them up just so they can fucking crush me like a bug.
Crush my spirt, break my heart. I dont fucking care
anymore. My life sucks and the only thing i got going for
me is trika. Oh and I'll have to wait forever to actually
marry her. Cause she wants to go to Westpoint. Which is
fine. Hell I want her to go their. But fuck Ill have to
wait at least 5 fucking years. Im sicking of waiting. My
whole fucking life is waiting. GOD I HATE MY LIFE. It
sucks. You ask why, well jeeze I was always picked on as a
little kid. I remeber when i was in day care and about
three some jack ass punched me in the eye and gave me a
black eye. Thats not tramatuizing. Then every fucking
asshole in schools picked on me since i can remember. Oh
thats right the first day of FUCKING SCHOOL. And heart
surgey thats not emotianlly scarring for a 5 year old kid.
Ya know that hasnt fucked with my head for forever. God.
I hated that. Needles, would only give me so much pain
killer that did jack shit. You think I couldnt fucking
feel them jabbing needles into me aftewards. You think
that one fucking dose of morphine made it painless to
walk. Fuck you. That was so fucking painful that you
wouldnt even be able to imagine it unless youve been
through it. Oh and my supposed best friend, i wonder if
even ever cared about me. If he did hed realize it fucked
me up when he lied straight to my face and said he wasnt
doing drugs and I knew damn well he was. No thats not gonna
make me lose trust in a person. And Im glad Im so
replaceable. Lets see in in 10th and 11th grade I got
replaced by scott(wills source of drugs.) This year ive
been replaced by oh lets start the list, ashley who i never
really liked, then it was joe, then jake. Wee Ive been
left to wallow in myself. I mean its not like I have a lot
of friends to start with. Sure Im one of those kids people
like in school. They see me they say hi. Maybe carry on a
conversation we both know is superfical. Thats always fun.
Knowing people dont really care about you, taking into
consideration what you feel. Ya know why bother. Ill just
let life happen. Ill stop trying to take control of my
life. I mean Im barely in control of it now. And the one
thing thats helping got ripped away from me today. Fucking
hopes who the hell needs them. All they do is set us up
for dissapointment. Yay I have an appointment its called
disappointment. Weee I seem to have had through out my
whole life. Maybe it just wants to be my best friend. Wee
dissappointments adopted me its new fucking friend. Not
that i asked it too. It just sorta happened. Weee.
Everybody hates me. My life is worthless. Nobody cares
what happens to me, how i feel, who i care about, what i
care about. Well seeming as Im being selfish and self
centered im gonna go. And if i pissed anybody off big
deal, nobody seems to care when they piss me off.


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