The Boy Looked At Johnny
2002-06-09 03:13:15 (UTC)

This charming man

Jesus, I can't get over how happy I am here. The whole city
just emanates a pleasant buzz. Maybe a C-major. I don't
know what it is exactly: I certainly have no money ($60 to
last me for two weeks, to be precise) and not even many
real close friends yet, but still, that buzz is there. I
finally feel like I'm free. I love my job, and there isn't
any person or situation lurking around to avoid or get hung
up about. It's just me being around, doing things I'm
interested in, and not worrying about the stupid gossipy
shit that drags the quality of life in Louisville down so
much. I feel like I did in high school, almost: the good
parts, before I got my cherry busted and got bogged down in
fun-but-creatively-impeded rock bands, thoroughly
uninspiring college experiences (hats off to Bellarmine)
and interesting-but-impossible-to-deal-with girls (April
and Roseanne, I loved you both to death, but I think you
would both know what I'm getting at...). I feel once again
like I have great, untapped potential and I'm on the verge
of putting it to use again. It's such a great fucking

I went out last night to Gooski's with Neil, Justin and Tom
from the Warhol. Great bar, amazing jukebox: Gun Club, Big
Star, X, Radio Birdman, Buzzcocks. Anyway, I was sitting
next to Tom, and we were talking, and with very little
provocation launches into an intensely personal discussion
of his situation in life vis a vis relationships, girls,
sex, living situations and general purpose. Wow! That's my
kind of conversation! Tom's story: just moved from some
small town upstate, and broke up with a girl with whom he
had been in a rather unhealthy, 3-year pre-marriage
relationship with. Like me, he got started into girls
pretty late, and really held on to this one. So now it's
ended, of his own choosing, and he's free again, but
ambiguous. And that ambiguity is what we talked about. It's
an ambiguity I know pretty well. I was hanging on every
word. I love it when people just come out and say what's
going on. I can tell Tom and I are going to be great pals.