Jack's Twisted Kingdom
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2002-06-08 19:58:43 (UTC)

An Open Letter To Tess...

Halo sweet one...

Well, I've not heard from you in a few days, heh, isn't that the way of things? Always something comes up to just
make you crazy. Today my parental unit went to Bampf, (which is in Alberta in case you didn't know, or even care.)
for a week. I have the whole messy place to my self. Yahoo... (sarcasm in the extreme)

I've decided that I am going to write a rather large entry in the next few days, and I think it will shed some light on
who I am. Of course it might just frighten you off, in which case I shall boot-fuck myself into oblivion, okay, I will
just be annoyed with myself. I know from your diary entries that you value honesty above almost everything else.
Well, so do I. I much prefer people say what they want, mean and not hide behind some bizarre fascade of "I'm a
happy human, nothing bothers me", sort of thing. One thing that makes me nuts, is when someone has something
they are upset about, but they won't bother to inform me. I've lost friends over little things that should never have
been an issue, but was at one point or another...

I think that being friends with you, no matter what comes of it, will at least be worth the effort. I don't know what
you expect, nor do I think i know what to expect. So, bear with me, if you will. I would like to know what you
want, what you need. Perhaps this whole thing that we are doing is too much.

I've been down the road you are embarking on, the one of being with someone and not knowing what will
happen, or what should happen even though I or you are completely devoted to them. That I think was where I
lost my perspective on things when I was with my ex. I knew it was bad, it had been, she cheated on me, maybe not
physically, but emotionally she did, and it really hurt. I knew that if something didn't change it would explode and
the situation would be fruitless and a total sham. And thats what did happen, when I am with someone, I am like.
"Oh, mate for life kind of thing", it has scared some of the grrls I've been with, and to my last 2 ex's, they thought it
was endearing. I thought it was simply the way I think of relationships. When I am with someone, I am thiers, I am
loyal, I am devoted.

But, obviously, things happen. I am not the worlds greatest comunicator, I have a hell of a time talking about my
feelings at times, and sometimes, I think she felt that I didn't care, or that she wasn't good enough for me to share
things about myself.

So, I shall endevour to be myself. I will be honest, and I will hopefully be someone you can be with. I hope you can
understand me, and I hope to be able to understand you. Maybe somewhere in between, we may find that which
has been missing from our lives..

Perhaps, we will find love...


Lux et umbra vicissim, sed semper amor....