blueswede

at least i wasn't sleepwalking through life

I just got back from seeing "Insomnia." It was superb; but
then again, with Chris Nolan as the director, how could one
expect anything else? Whatever the case, the original film
is likely very good as well; I must attempt to find it with
English subtitles sometime.

As I look through my previous entries in here, I see, rather
than individual entries, a timeline of my life over the past
nine months. From the start of my senior year, through the
end, I've kept this diary going, writing about my problems
in a style that I can only achieve through the illusion of
an audience.

Looking back, it's rather astonishing to see the progression
of my life and maturity. I guess one can change a whole lot
in nine months.

First, physical changes. I've lost about 22 pounds over the
course of the year. In addition, my hair is longer and much
healthier, my beard is darker and fuller, and I've managed
to work off some excess fat. However, I still have yet to
break six feet in height (guess I'll do that in college), my
acne is still pretty bad, even with the treatment, and even
though I've lost weight, I'm still carrying around a spare
tire with me.

More important, I think, are the changes in my emotional and
psychological states, as well as my heightened awareness and
maturity. It's been interesting.

When this diary was started, I had a major hangup on a girl
I knew at school. We were friends, more like acquaintances,
and nothing more ever came of it. I had some problems with
my friends, and wasn't happy with the way my social life was
going. In addition, I was discouraged with school, paranoid
about my interactions with people, and convinced that there
was no happiness for me around here.

So now it's nine months later. I've completed high school
and am currently awaiting the commencement ceremony. I've
worked through most of my issues with my friends, and things
are good with us for the time being. As for my interactions
with the opposite sex, I am now mildly hung up on a girl who
I went to school with, but there's one big difference: we've
actually gone out. It was only once, and given how my luck
usually is, it will likely be the only time, due to forces
beyond our control. The point is, were it solely up to us,
we'd be dating now.

It's been a long, strange trip, and this diary has helped to
keep me sane throughout. I'm a lot happier now than when I
began this. I'm going to an excellent university next year,
I actually met a girl who was open to dating me (even if we
weren't able to go out more than once), and in general, I'm
a whole lot happier.

So to everybody who reads this: if, by chance, you keep one
of these diaries, stick with it. Continue writing in your
diary, especially when you're having difficulties with life,
school, whatever. These things give you someone to talk to,
even if they can't respond. When you think you can't handle
it anymore, write about your problems; it just may help you
feel a whole lot better, and you may find answers to some of
your problems in the process.

This is Dave, signing off.