ICanOnlyBeHele3

Mysterious Attitude
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Ezoic
2001-06-16 20:30:07 (UTC)

June 3- June 16, 2001

Whoa.. this it going to take me a while.. since I don't
harldy remember anything that has happened... but I will
try my best like I said.... :) :)

Things to do with Jack: Well I have been talkin to Jack a
lot lately and a lot has happened... Jack now tells me that
he loves me... after he told me.. that he would have to
make sure that he liked a gurl a lot..and that she liked
him... before he said that 2 her so I felt special when he
told me that and yes I told him I loved him 2... and he has
told me that he does like me a lot and I have told him that
I like him also...but it seems like everytime we talk we
have phone sex.. so I have a feeling that is the only
reason he likes me... but when I asked him.. he said that
he liked me for other reasons.. so I guess that isn't the
only thing that matters to him... so that is a good
thing....hehe
A few days ago.. Jack was at his friends Pat house.. and
he told me to call him there.. so I did... and he was
talkin to me for a lil while and we had phone sex.. then it
seemed like he didnt want to talk to me anymore cuz he was
being an asshole to me and kept givin the phone to either
Pat or David.. so that got me pissed off.. and I really got
mad when Pat told me Jack had been talkin to another gurl..
I mean yes I know we aint goin out... but we have talked
bout that.. we both like either other.... so u know.. I
was bound to get jealous now right?¿ Well anyhow... before
the night was over... I ended up havin phone sex with Pat
and David.. I felt so bad.. the only reason I did it was
out of anger.. so I messed up what can I say... the next
day was like hell.... See the next day Jack called me from
his cousins house.. and I was talkin to him.. and then he
gave the phone to Pat and i talked to him for a few
minutes.. so I asked if I could call back.. and they were
like yeah.. So when I called back.. thats when the hell
started I guess all of them had got high and were actin
stupid.. and Pat started to cuss me out...callin me a
whore, a bitch, and all kinds of things... all cuz the
night before..... i guess Pat had asked me if I liked
Jack.. and like i said I was mad.. so I said no... well
Jack heard me say that.. so he thought I didn't like him :(
Well I was tryin to tell Jack that I did like him but he
wasn't believin me... and Pat kept on sayin all kinds of
things to me... and I began to cry.. well Jack was puttin
up for me.... and tellin Pat to shut the hell up and sorta
cussin him out.. so Jack was like... hey... how bout we
talk bout all of this when I get home..cuz Pat won't get
off the phone.. so I was like aight.. and I hung up... well
I guess my uncle had heard me going off on Pat and yellin
at him... cuz he was askin me what was wrong.. I was like
nothing just please leave me alone ok... So I went to my
house.. and I looked at this big ass knife.. I was all
depressed.. and I was like.. maybe if I cut myself all the
pain will flow out of my body... so I took the knife with
me into the bathroom.. and tried to cut my shoulder blade..
it wouldn't cut tho... damn knife... but it left a red
mark.. and hurt a lil... the pain made me feel powerful and
a lot better it seemed... so I put the knife back where it
was... and when to the frontroom... i wanted to smoke a
cig.. and no I have never done that.. and I have no clue
why I wanted to... but I didn't.. thank god... well I went
back over to my grams house and watched sum tv..and ate.. I
went to bed later that night crying.... So I finally got to
talk to Jack bout what had happened.. it was like 1am and I
had told him that I tired to cut myself and how the knife
wouldn't cut.. and he was like... U better not cut
yourself... cuz if u do I will kick your ass and then cut
myself 10 times worse then u did.. I was like why does it
matter what I do..its not like u care bout me.. he said
well maybe I do.. and he went on to tell me that he was
depressed and smoked weed yet again... so i asked him why
he was like that.. and why he smoked.. and he was like..cuz
I was mad cuz people where talkin bout sumone that I care
bout... so yeah he was talkin bout how Pat and all them
were talkin bout me... I started to feel really bad.. cuz
this poor boy has been to hell and I added more to it...
and I really hate it when he smokes weed.. and I'm always
gettin onto his case bout it.. he went on to tell me that
he better not ever catch me smokin weed.. or even touchin
it for that matter..cuz he would kick my ass... lol I was
like well hey.. u do it so why can't I? He was like.. well
I'm stupid and I'm goin to stop doin it and I don't want u
to do it.. so I was like aight... and yes we made up... and
we got back to the way were we... yay!!! And since then...
it seems like Jack calls me almost everyday... and the
other day.. he called and we got into a fight cuz he was
bein an ass to me yet again.. and guess what!! He fianlly
said he was sorry if he acted that way.. and that he didn't
mean to... so I'm happy bout that.. it seems like he really
does like me.. and I know that I like him..so maybe sumthin
will happen between us!! :) Well... also since the day I
talked to David he won't stop callin me... damn boy... lol
I just keep sayin i gotta go.. or that I aint home... a few
days ago... it was like so busy for me... Josh called me
out of no where and asked me out for a date.. I was like..
umm I dunno if I can... but if I can sure :) lol ... and
then this boy David.. not the one who has been callin me..
another one.... wanted me to call him so I did and we
talked for a few minutes... and then Jack called me.. and I
told him bout Josh and David and he got a lil jealous
hehe... lol cuz he was like.. I only want u to talk to me
on the phone and no one else... lol which is also what Pat
told me... he had said that one night before he cussed my
ass out that he only wanted me to talk to him and not to
talk to Jack.. so I'm thinkin that he liked me.. and the
only reason he got Jack mad at me was cuz he got jealous...
so he tired to make it so me and him wouldn't talk no
more.. well he didnt get what he wanted..cuz me and Jack
are still takkin and we still like each other more then
ever!! :) I also love John so much tho... but i don't think
we will ever meet cuz he is 2 far away... but he is soo
sweet to me.. but hey.. I can still have an online
relationship and a real one now right? lol hehe

Last Night: Andria told me to read her online diary.. and
when I did I got the shock of my life... I mean the only
thing I knew about that she wrote was her bein bi and her
smokin weed and drinkin... but she wrote that she isn't a
virgin so that means she lied to me..cuz I have asked her
that many times before and she told me she was one... and
all this time I thought she told me everything bout her cuz
we are best friends.. or as least I think of her as my best
friend.. and she knows everything bout me... but hey... now
that I think bout it.. it isn't no ones business what she
does now is it?¿ But she told me she would tell me more
bout that today.. so I guess I will find out... I was
freakin out bout that last night tho... but John was there
to calm me down... and I found out that he is bi and that
he had sex with a guy when he was 13 or 14 and that he
didn't have sex with a gurl until he was 16... so that
sorta freaked me out... but I'm cool with it... its so odd
it seems like everyone is startin to be bi... I know bout 6
people that I talk to that r...

Today June 16: Good lawd I tell u.. my summer had been
crazy so far.... but hey... all things happen for a reason
now don't they.... well nothing has happened today... cuz I
just got up a lil while ago.. and I hope everyone who reads
this enjoys readin bout my crazy life... and don't forget
if any if u have any questions just ask me :) :) Well bye
bye 4 now...

11:13pm

Aight well since I last wrote I watched the movie "The Cell" starin
J-Lo... I loved that movie!! :) At like 10 Andria IM my mom and told
me to call her.. so I did.. and we were talkin and she told me that
she is still a virgin... but she was going to have it.. but I guess
her sister walked in or sumthing.... and she told me that she saw
sum peeps from Hammond at the mall... like Fransico and Angel.. and I
guess Fransico was hatin on her.. and she was tellin him off... lol I
was like u go gurl... lol and she told them that I was one of her
friends that was always there for her and all this other nice stuff
bout me... I was like yep... :) :) I'm all happy!! :) :) I feel so
loved lol :) I just found out that my friend Marina is goin out with
Alfonso.. I knew they would get together... I'm so happy for
her!!! :) :) He is such a cutie.. and she says he treats he good.. so
I hope they last for a while!! :) :) Damn now that I think of it...
I'm missin Jack.. I haven't talked to him for 2 days.. so I'm goin to
call him tomorrow... I may see him 2... cuz I may go to work with my
mom.. but I dunno yet... well hey what's bout all for now so I guess
I will go... bye bye 4 now


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