*Jill's Thoughts*
2002-06-07 20:40:59 (UTC)

*Jay's House*

Alright Everyone...I thought I would make this a seperate
entry cuz it was from the other day but is SO VERY

Okay so I go to Jay's after school on Tuesday to study for
finals on Wednesday. God...so when we got there we just
chilled and he helped me on my game for bball. It was
pretty fun I just hate playing next to him cuz I think I'm
so bad. But yeah so we go in 2 study and he always has to
be gay and be like oh yea Jill I want to have sex with you.
He said some shit like that...it doesn't seem that bad but
I just know whatever he says is a joke and I start bawling
right there. Hes like don't cry don't cry! I just couldn't
help it hes like why are u crying? I was like just
nevermind. But then he came over and hugged me. hehe.

After that we were sorta just messin around on his bed and
he was trying to bite my ear and stuff. I just kept
thinking about how much I just wanted to kiss him...god. We
were just laying there and I was stairing at him for like
20 min. and I go, "What if I just kissd you right
now...what would you do?" And he goes...."I would probably
push you away." man i was like whoa why did I even say
that? It was all good though...i expected that considering
he has his bitch. Just one kiss from him out equal the
amount if I had sex with anyone else. It would be so

Later that night he called me and said he couldn't stop
thinking about what I said. He told me I should have just
done it and that he wouldn't have pushed me away. He said
it could have changed everything. I should have done it but
I just know it woudln't have been right. I would be the one
getting hurt in the end. Karissa may have found out and he
would just beg for her back and I would be stuck alone and
hurt again. In a way I am sorta glad I didn't...yet I wish
s much that I did. I guess I will never know what would
have happened if I did....