Thoughts from Blue Angel
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2001-06-16 16:44:27 (UTC)

A Low Day

This morning was the first morning that I really had to
make myself get out of bed and get going. That probably
has a lot to do with the fact that I was up until 2:00 this
morning arguing with Jason. He got into this big thing
about how fat people (as in REALLY big people... like 300
or 400 ) aren't worthy for "normal" people to love. I told
him that it was the most ignorant and insensitive thing I'd
heard in a long time and that if all people were like him,
I would have killed myself a long time ago. What a
horrible thing to say...

Anyway, it hurt me, even though he reassured me over and
over that he doesn't think I'm fat and "having a little
baby fat" is not what we were discussing. But all I could
think of was the fact that there are tons of people out
there would treat my "baby fat" with the same contempt as
he holds more severe cases. It kind of dampened my spirit
a little, but I'm not gonna let that keep me down!

I finally rolled out of bed at 9:30 and stretched a
little before I hopped on Mom's bike. Well, half way
through the ride, I realized that her tires are leaking, so
I had to go back home and fill them up before I finished.
My energy level was sagging, and I was tired, and I just
wanted to come home and forget about it, but I didn't! I
aired up those tires and headed right back out and went
further than I have been going.

I'm not giving up! I don't care how low my energy
(mostly mentally and emotionally), I will keep going, and
I'll work even harder when I feel like throwing in the
towel. I'm so proud of myself for working out this
morning. Much, much more than for exercising on the days
when it's easy. My energy level is raising now that I've
done it, and I'm sure that I'd be feeling like crap right
now if I were just sitting here after doing nothing.

I started the diet again today, and my mind keeps
thinking of how much of a headache I always have on the
second night. Working is hell on that night. I get
nothing done; I have no energy to do anything. Last time I
went on it, I scheduled it so that I had the second night
off, but this time, I have to work. I dread that. But you
know what? I'm gonna start taking Tylenol early, get a lot
of work done tonight so I won't have to do it tomorrow, go
in early and get some clean-up done before the headache
starts to kick in, and get myself some energy booster pills
or something. Besides, it will be a Sunday, and Sundays
are never very busy.

Adam e-mailed me this morning and told me that he is
coming up on Tuesday!!! I'm SO excited! He is such a
sweet guy. I can't wait!