the random confessions of a teenager
okay so this entry is gonna be a bit weird, my thoughts
aren't in order. the whole thing actually might only be
like three run on sentences
so my english group came over today. i was putting gel in
b's hair and he was sitting with one of his legs in between
my legs, and he was flirting with me and stuff (and he
looked really good). The whole time i was doing his hair,
all i could think about was "oh my god i'm gonna fall back
into my old habits of just doing whatever with guys, just
because they want me too" and stuff. but it felt so good
when i was running my fingers through his hair....haven't
done that since ben.......and i was just like,damn. and the
whole day we were talking and having fun and stuff, and he
was flirting with me a lot, but i freaked. i was walking
him to the bus stop and i was just like "okay. i can either
go for it and see if he wants to kiss me or i can just
not." and i just thought to myself "well, it'd obviously
just be a one-day thing, which i'm used to -- use 'em and
lose 'em, eh? -- but do i want to head back into that
note to jess: prepare for some selfish whining tomorrow
so i decided that no, i didn't, so i kinda just pulled away
from him and got all frigid and shit. whatever, i know that
it'd just be like Avril Lavigne "Complicated," you know.
That's totally my mood-song right now. I HATE it when guys
are so awesome with you when its just you and maybe one or
two other people, but put them in front of other people,
like their friends, and they're just assholes.
"Chill out, what you yellin for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be you will see
I like you the way you are when we're drivin in your car
And you're talkin to me one-on-one but you become
Somebody else round everyone else
You come over unannounced dressed up like you're somethin
Where you are and where it's at you see
You're makin me laugh out when you strike a pose
Take off all your preppy clothes
You know you're not foolin anyone
When you become somebody else
Round everyone else
Watchin your back
Like you can't relax
You tryin to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Watchin your back like you can't relax
You tryin to be cool, you look like a fool to me
Tell me why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin like you're somebody else"
am i that much of a loser? that guys just use me and lose
me, or they just associate with me away from everybody
else? i must be a loser.
"Soy un perdedor. I'm a loser." -- Beck
Mood-Song: Avril Lavigne "Complicated"
Current-Song: Presidents of the USA "Millions of Peaches
(Movin' to the Country)"
PS - just out of curiosity, anyone that goes to THHS (other
than you, Jess) and is reading this, leave me a message or