Timothy

Reality

Well, it seems as though, my faith in the world
has been somewhat renewed. This bitter, cynic
that you've been reading has he thinks, perhaps
found... His way to feel something else other
than the pain and agony of shattered dreams...

My mind has of late been running on a dire need
for something, or someone to release him
from his, what seems at times a cage of despair.
And as you, my faithful, have perhaps seen, that
not all is as it seems.

So, there is a Grrl. ~Tess~ I think that there is
something there, something, not yet tangible
but none the less there. I like her , I do enjoy
her poetry, it sing's it's song to me. Engages me
and wants me to be there for her. I can hear the
torment in her words, though I cannot see her,
I surprise her, thats nice, I smiled for 20 minutes
after I read her last email to me. Thats not something
I have done in quite some time. Smile. Laugh.
I can see in her, that I could very possibly fall
deeply, madly and completely in love with her.

But.

Yes there is a but.

There always is.

There are still bad days that I have with regards
to my ex, some of them I don't always write about.
Today, for instance, I have thought about her twice.
Tortured myself over things I said, and didn't say.
It's only 10am, and I've only been up for an hour.

So. The question, my faithful readers. Is.

Is it possible to start something, even as small as a
friendship, that you know you want more from, and
yet not fall into the same trap, the same agony and
the same problems as I did before?

I am thinking, that. Yes, if we take is slowly, honesty
is one of those big things that comes into play here,
more than anything else. Communication, and some
others as well..

I have things, that I have not included in my diary, some
are too painful, too embarrasing, and some for which
I am afraid to put down in writing here.

I would hate to think that something from my past could
in fact lead to ruin, in the future...

And this is what I wrestle with all the time...

I know, that I cannot start something with anyone,
be it through email, or in person, without saying
and revealing some of that which, has to be said.

Some of these things, define what I am. Though, not
necessarilly who I am, nor who I will yet be...

Rejection is painful, and as some of you all know,
it can be the death of you. Especially when you have
put out your soul in your hand, when your heart is
on your shoulder, and you open your mind to
someone new.

Someone, who could be glorious.

Someone, whom I could love.

Someone, who could love me.

So valiant readers...

I would appreciate some feedback...

And I thank you, muchly, in advance...

~Timothy~