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2002-06-06 00:46:28 (UTC)

Life is so confusing...

Hi, sorry it's been so long since I've made an entry. I
have been so busy not being busy that I just totally forgot
about writing. I am so frustrated with my friends. I have
made an unbelievable amount of plans lately, and all of
them have fallen through. It seems as though all my
friends are total flakes. I love them, but this is not
cool at all. I'm not a loner, but lately, I've been at
home more than I have in the last 4 years! I owe this girl
money...15 dollars. I really don't want to pay her now,
but she said she needs the money. So, she's on her way
over to get it. Nobody has been reading my poems...but
whatever...I'm still gonna put them in here.
friend, Suehei(aka Lovy), and I were like bestest friends.
And all of a sudden, she has this idea in her head that
just because I hung out with her boyfriend a couple times
that he's cheating on her with me!!! You see, when he got
home from Japan (he's in the Marines), Lovy and I stopped
hanging out as much...which is totally understandable.
But, when we did hang out, her boyfriend, Jesse, was with
us. Him and I became friends...and nothing more. He's a
totally cool guy, even though his little bro likes me.
Then all of a sudden she stops calling me, and he takes it
upon himself to call me every once in awhile. Now, neither
one of them call me anymore! He told me that she was
having suspicions that we were having some sort of "affair"
or something. But in truth, she's the one who cheated on
him multiple times when he was gone. I knew about it, but
didn't say anything because she's my friend and I'd do
anything for her. Besides, it is common knowledge that I
am still madly in love with her brother, Erick. So, what
is so confusing is that if she's afraid he's cheating, why
would she ever think I'M the one he's cheating with??????
I have never cheated, I happen to have morals, and I
thought she trusted me!!! She has no reason NOT to!!!
Well, I still miss much. I looked through our
old tin can of pictures and stuff from when we started
going out. I couldn't help but cry...I mean, what else can
I do? He wrote in a letter to me from boot camp that when
he got home, he'd never leave me again. God, I miss
him...all I want is to be with him again. I AM still
trying to move on. My friend and I made out last night.
As exciting and passionate as it was, and as much as I
wanted it...nobody compares to my Erick. All I kept
thinking about was Erick. He's the only one I want.
Shit...I miss just laying there in his arms, falling
asleep...feeling so secure and safe, so right. Erick, I
love you baby.

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