my so called life
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2002-06-03 21:44:57 (UTC)

And if I seem too quiet now, there are no words to show you how I love you

Wow, I'm doing great! :)

We went out Saturday and it was a lot of fun. Lisa called
and I brought her to Ally's place. It was Ally, Lisa, Tiff,
Geri, Silvia, Evan and a friend of his, Ron, and me. Ally's
boyfriend, KB, came later. You probably don't remember, but
I wrote about KB a while ago. He was my brother's
bestfriend when they grew up. He fell in love with Ally
while she was dating Henry, but that didn't stop him. When
Ally and Henry broke up, she started dating him for a
while, but she broke up with him because she didn't have
feelings for him. Then he tagged along to my nachspiel and
they made out and I was like poor guy, don't lead him on.
Well, she realized that she had feelings for him after all,
and now they seem happy :)
The vorspiel was nice.. Not like great fun, but totally ok.
Geri left early to be with Pete.. Woha.. They're pretty
much a couple now.. but not officially since Steve probably
wouldn't handle that.. But yeah..
We went to the club where we danced, but only for a few
minutes cause the music was so crappy. We sat at a table
and this guy was hitting on Ally. She wasn't interested, so
he started with me instead. I just threw him over at
Ingrid :D Then some of his friends came and they were all
very pushy. I tried hooking Lisa up with one of them since
she could need it.. She cried THREE times during the
night.. First because she missed her ex, then because she
missed this guy she met in Cyprus TWO years ago. She gave
him a call and then she cried because it felt so good
hearing his voice again.
Ben came home with me.. So.. We had sex. Yeah.. wooh..
allert the media. :P
No, really.. the evening was perfect.
I was kind of in a bad mood when he called earlier and when
I wrote the last entry, but things got better..
He was in some birthday-party and he called me while I was
still at the vorspiel, about 11 pm. He was at the club
already. We didn't go to the club before around 12:15, but
then he had gone to this other place and he didn't show up
at the club before 1:30. But that was ok, I had fun with my
friends and he had fun with his friends. When he finally
came, we said hello and kissed and stuff. Jim (who works on
a boat and hasn't been home the last month) hadn't seen us
together before and was like oh, that's sweet. Later he
told me that Ben had talked about me all night and said
nice things about me =)
Ben asked if I wanted to come home with him, but he changed
his mind cause he was afraid I would feel sick the next
morning ( I get ill from drinking pretty often) and it
wouldn't be a good idea to stay at his place then. So we
went to my place. As we were walking home, he was SO
sweet!! We've had exams and stuff, so the last time we
spent time together was Wednesday morning. That was like
three days ago, and he thought that was way too much. He
said he had missed me. I was like oh, that's so cute. He
said that he really, really missed me and he thought it was
so weird. Like, during Star Wars he really wished I was
there and stuff. I felt bad for writing that he was stupid!
He said that he has never felt this way before and he got
all embarrassed and stuff.. Oh my god, he's so cute! :)))
We were holding hands as we were walking and he stopped
like ten times to kiss me. And he said that I looked really
pretty that night and that I was so cute and stuff.. I was like Oh
my god, he's REALLY in love with me.. Like for real! I was
so happy :)
(Ok, don't get confused, he's my boyfriend, so I guess I
know that he's in love with me, but anyway)
When we got to my place, we got ready for bed and stuff. I
felt kind of tired and worn out, and I was leaning against
the kitchen unit drinking water and he was staring at me. I
told him to stop and he said : 'You look so pretty I can't
take my eyes off of you.'
He just melts my cold stone-heart ;)
So we went to bed and one thing lead to another and we had
sex.. I said I wanted to and he said 'but I thought you
wanted to be completely sober when we did it..'
I said that once, but I didn't really matter cause none of
us were actually drunk. He was like are you sure?
COMPLETELY sure? 100% ? No pressure.. I was like COME ON,
I'm telling you I'm sure!
I think for a fact that he is the sweetes guy on earth.
So.. it was a little clumsy at first. And it hurt. Yeah, it
did.. Well, you know what they say about guys with large
feet.. Ben has big shoes ;)
I had expected it to hurt a bit, but yet I got kind of
surprised when it actually hurt.. He asked if it hurt and I
told him that it did hurt a bit. He asked if he should
stop, but I told him just to be careful. After a while it
didn't hurt anymore, but suddenly it was all over. I won't
say that I was disappointed, cause I think it was pretty
good for a first time.. I know it'll get better. Just as it
started to get interesting, it was over.. but it'll get
better. Afterwards he was very worried about me because it
hurt and he was very afraid that I'd regret it. I honestly
don't. I'm glad we did it, and I told him that. There's no
other guy in this world I would want to be my first.
We were awake most of the night, just kissing and touching
each other. I feel so safe when he holds me close.
The next day we slept in and when we finally got up, we
just ate and watched telly. He went to soccerpractise and I
went to work. Later we went to Steve's place and watched
the Big Brother Final. It was Ben, Steve, Jim and his
friend HT and me. The rest of the night they played
Playstatin 2 and I was SO bored. I can't believe that Geri
hung out with them for 2 years! I couldn't go home or
anything, cause I was spending the night at Ben's. When we
left, he asked if I thought it had been boring. I was like
kind of.. Oh well :)
That night we were both tired, so we just slept.
Today we just listened to music and stuff. I went home and
talked to Geri for almost two hours (on the phone). This
whole Steve/Pete-thing is hard on her. Yeah..
I sent Ben a message a few minutes ago. He's at Steve's
playing PS2 again. OH YAY. :P
I've got school tomorrow :( So I better go to bed..
Night'y night :)

And if I seem too quiet now, there are now words to show
you how I love you

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