2001-01-01 23:42:16 (UTC)

well today is going ok i..

well today is going ok i guess....could be better. knowing
me.but hey a new year . maybe i can make this year better
then all my others.hopefully.you know i feel like a new
person in a way..hopefull i will have abetter life then
what i have been having . but only time can tell. been
saying that alot lately. dont know why guess it gives me
some out look on life.yo uknow sometimes i wonder if i was meant o be
on this so called earth. i guess i do. sometimes i am not to sure.i
mean if i was meant to bo here and feel all this pain i mean i would
rather die. my life has been hell. you know i used to take confort in
the darkness. it was my best friend for a while. i guess in a way it
helped my through. see things in a different view........in a
different way. kinda made me happy cause you know it was my world.
and i even wrote some peoms.
here is one...............

my soul in pain of my future and past.
so torn apart,nothing left not even my heart.

i have fallen in my own death of a lost soul.
never to be found,untold.

for once i was an angel,but never again shall that be.
my wings are torn as so my heart.

my silky white rob,no more.
just covered in blood of my sorrows.

the halo that once crowned my head.
now around my neck,i be left for dead.

my soul never to be found.
never around.

as i hang from my so called heaven,
with my wings torn,my gown in blood,
and my halo left around my neck,for wishing i was dead.

a single tear runs down my cheek,
for i have been taken away from myself.

never to be known of a heart and soul i once had,
but now taken away.

yes it is true i was once an angel.
still i am one but dead inside i be.

and i will never be free of all this pain
that has been given to me.


well thats some what of my dark side.i mean i have some stuff ten
times worse. but know one has ever seen it. i mean i dont think i
will even write one in here.the darkness is in the past but sometimes
i wish i could bring it back to present. i know i mean when i was
going through all this shit...it kinda was bad. but at the time it
was the only thing i had. kinda makes me think if thats all i will
ever have.maybe i wil bring it back. i guess it is handy once in a
while.i mean i got into a lot of stuff that i havnt even told anyone
and stiil wont cause well i dont know what they would think and i
wont do it again at least i dont think.and think this is only the
begining of what goes on in my head. alot more is there even though
you may not see it.but i will be able to just not now.
well until the sun rises again and brings another day of pain.......