nfinite empyrean

sunshine
2001-06-14 15:09:43 (UTC)

well i really don t know...it..

well i really don't know...it seems like the more progress
i make one day...it get snatched back the next....i am
tired of this roller coaster i am going on....i just talked
to lawayne...and even though he seems like a nice fella and
he is somewhat established...i don't want him....i want
someone that will give me that "feeling" you know...i had a
dream last night...and i got that feeling...i was dreaming
about eddie ....but i know i don't want him....but i got
that feeling...he was like at work and he called me on his
break and was like "i love you" and i got that
feeling....the feeling that i haven't got in a while....i
missed that ....i need to get my hair done....and get the
heck out there and exploit this good weather that we are
having ....get on my friend stroll ...it is sad that cookie
and deon is no more...but well now me and cookie can go to
detroit and get crazy like we used to ... i think i am
going to have her go to detroit with me next weekend to
visit this one guy....i don't know... i met this guy that
stays like right down the street from nathan...i so cannot
see him because i will be thinking about him....i love him
so much and i wish that he would just be like ...neecy i
can be everything you need me to be...or atleast work on
it...but he will never say that...never....he will
constantly manipulate my feelings for him and live his life
how he want to live....everybody is telling me...girl you
need to forget him....he is nothing for you to be crying
over...but i can't ...they don't see him like i do....i
think he is the most beautiful person in the world....i
would give anything for us to be together....but we
cannot...i gave up hope until the other night when i talked
to him...now i am supposed to be spending sunday over to
his house....i don't know i want to go so bad and i am
probably going to go ....i know it is not theraputic...for
me to go over there....i wish i could just find someone to
take my mind off of him...but everyone i meet just makes me
think of him even more...how strange is that !!! just like
i suppose to be going to cedar point at the end of this
month and i suppose to go to knoxville...and toledo...and i
suppose to be going to toronto...for my birthday and i
don't want to go because i want to be with him...i have to
make myself get over him though....i have to make myself
have fun ....and this "road trip" with lawayne is going to
be much fun..i know.....i don't know about cedar
point ..but toronto should be fun too...i wonder what he is
doing for the 4th...well gotta jet