? :: connie ::?

:: inside my mind ::
2001-06-14 12:47:12 (UTC)

To 'V'

Dear V,

I miss you today, and yesterday, and the day before ... I
miss my best friend I've known for 13 years (doesn't time
fly fast?). The person who had been always being my model,
to whom I listened to her advice, to whom I shared my
laughter & my tears with. Where is the old you? I don't see
the same person now and I really miss you.

You've never called me again as you're too busy nowadays by
getting drunk every single night and you're too tired to
talk to me in the day time. I don't say that I hate night
life; but I think by the time we're getting older, we
should get wiser and stop doing things that are we know not
good for ourselves. Why you should ruin yourself just
because of that damn bad guy? Why?

Don't run away from reality and don't ever think that
people will think that you're a loser if your marriage is
over. You should make it over actually, not because I'm
jealous or something, but I want to see you happy and I
want to see the same person I saw a couple of years ago.
And I know all these stuff happened because you're not
happy with him.

Stop hiding yourself and open up your mask. You always
pretend that you're tough and you're just fine and actually
you're not. I don't blame him; he has been opened to you
and even has given you the signs that he wanted to let you
go, but you pretended that you were blind (I know you could
read that signs really well! Lot of times you're msarter
than me!) and you really care about other people's opinion.
It's your life, girl! Nobody, even me, can help you when
problems come as it is your choice and I couldn't stop you
from marrying that guy. It's your choice and unfortunately
you made a bad one, sorry to say.

I'm really sad when I heard that you start using drugs.
You're too late using it and that really could make me
laugh sadly. What are you looking for from those stuff?
Yes, maybe you could forget about your problems for a
while, but after you're sober, you have to face the reality
again and you can't run away from it. They only make you
feel emptier day by day.

I wish I were really an angel so I could guide you. Well,
I'm not a saint as well and I'm still committing sins lot
of times (that's also one of reasons I know you won't
listen to me), but I wouldn't treat myself like a fool just
for a guy and I've never cared about other people's opinion
about me. If they think I'm a failure because all of my
relationships were broken into pieces, that's their own
business. If they saw me kept changing guys in the past,
maybe they thought that I was a slut and I know, you know,
I am not. I was just unlucky. That's all, and I've never
defended things that I know wouldn't last long (I always
listen to my inner voice) I don't want to make other people
happy and make myself in a mess at once! No chance!
Sometimes, I think we need to be selfish if that could make
us happy. They had never known & they even never asked me
why I did so. They pretended that they cared, but they
didn't! And I don't care what they think about me. They
don't know my real problems, you know that honestly people
like to see when we fall. So, wake up, sis! Stand up for
yourself. Have a pride. Don't let people step on your
dignity. Help yourself in a right way and don't escape to
those stuff!

Sorry for not telling you this directly. I know you won't
listen to me. I just hope that you would read this
accidentally. I don't have any bad intention by putting
this letter online, I just miss you, as I told you, and I
love you too much. You are my soul sister. Please come back
to the place where you belong. Call me when you have time
and if you allow me to share your burdens with, like what
we did several months ago, I'll be very honored.

Love you as always,

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