Grace

40 acres and a jag
2002-06-01 14:03:44 (UTC)

focus, direction and discipline

we got a library card today. john said hte ozark library
wanted two pieces with the address as well as ID. whatever.
that "library" looks like a nursery with books. these
places are not libraries, but i guess it's the best they
can do.

i searched for medieval nuns, physics and i don't know what
else. it made me proud. oh yeah. edna st vincent millay,
dorothy parker and black renascence authors. i'm so proud
to be your basic liberal arts graduate. i remember nudie
williams always yakking about "focus, direction and
discipline". i guess -- if you aren't seriously seeking
knowledge (the collecting of facts) and wisdom (the
practical application thereof).

the bourgiest i've ever been was demanding my 40 acres and
a jag so i could trade the latter in for some serious money
and a cheaper, nicer car. i like being practical. and i
checked out books about kung fu, getting off of sugars and
the i ching.

my immediate plans? moving back into writing. i must keep
it at the forefront. i can't forget it. and getting back on
track with the diabetes care.

usually people are always lamenting about their youth. if i
could do mne again, i'd only want to take advantage of
studies abroad. people who want to compartmentalize
themselves aren't interested in growing. college wasn't a
homo sapiens' obedience school. i didn't go to graduate and
aspire to mediocracy by 40. and here i am

sometimes i can be rough on myself. i don't have a house (
some of the greatest minds renounced material possessions --
bet they still had some sort of roof over their heads),
and i don't have a pension lined up for myself. i just
think of what i don't have as a marker of how far i've
gone. no material markers. the intellectual and spiritual
are incredible. ultimately, i'm happy. i don't live on a
school bus with no toilet. i knew someone like that in
college.

i was so grateful that my mom wasn't that irresponsible. i
hope john and i won't live hand to mouth forever. i'd like
to make a local literary name. maybe regional. i wouldn't
want the national exposure. too many nosy people. i don't
want them to learn that granddaddy killed a white boy and
buried him in the watermelon patch.




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