Janelle

Broken Dreams
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2002-06-01 19:18:20 (UTC)

Ending It All

Dear Diary,


Me again. I have been thinking a lot about my life lately.
It is so messed up, and so much has happened that I can't
erase, that won''t leave my mind. I have come incredibly
close to ending it all, several times. I wouldn't be here
now if I hadn't been caught by my unsure brother, almost
cutting my wrists. He didn't understand, so he had no
reason to tell. But when I get unbearably upset, I cut or
burn myself, and God, you have no idea how great it feels.
Honesly. The pain lasts a while, but it is such a powerful
release, words can't even say it. There is so many ways I
could do it, so easily, and I woulnd't have to suffer
anymore. But I guess each time I almost do it, I realize
that there is new hope for each day, and maybe someday,
everything is better. So I decide to wait and see. I can't
trust anyone to be alone with me, not even myself. I can't
trust anyone period, not even God, or my family, teachers
friends...especially men. It seems like they have an
authority over me, and I know deep down that not all men
are bad. Just some, especially...nevermind. I am on the
edge, and I just might be gone at any moment. I guess I'll
have to wait and see.


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