Visions Of Life
2002-06-01 18:48:30 (UTC)


okay.. i have my blades, im drinking tequila.. now i need
to write a couple more things and ill be set.. im so
scared.. i dont want to do this but feel i have to...
either way i lose.. if i die, ill never have a chance to be
happy, if i live, ill be alone and things will remain the
same. if i try and live, ill be commited, still lose the
man i love, and still live my horrible life. i cant win. im
sick of trying... i wish i would have told him i loved him
instead of telling him i hate him. i dont hate him, i am
just hurt... i love him so so so much and dont want to do
this to him but i have no choice... i might fail. i havnt
succeeded in the past... i dont want to fail, dont want to
die, dont want to live. i dont have the money to run away
anywhere.. my car wouldnt make it very far anyways... god,
i hate drinking.. yuck.. off to think..