Shot

2nd of 2 installments of youth poetry

29 October, 1995

“Heart’s Descention”

What seemed to be my hope,
a light within the dark,
Has broken hell over,
And is tearing me apart.
For what I found has broken me;
My heart is blind and cannot see,
For what I feared so despirately
Has beared itself and conquered me,
And what I call no mere depression
Must be from my mere obsession,
For I have a bad disease
And am one who cannot be pleased;
For what will start will have an ending,
And leave your heart alone descending.

October, 1995

“The Blood of a Rose”

A cry that deafens, a gaff of one lost,
the now dying rose lies encased by the frost.
Impervious cold distains the beauty of the rose,
And the fervish passion is the thorns which have froze.
The kindred of one’s loss bleeds in the stem,
For the wane of his heart attributes to them.
Death atomized the spurned, bleeding heart;
The rose bleeds so heavy it has fallen apart;
But its blood lives forever and so will his pain,
For the now buried coffin will forever bear the stain.

1995

Don’t tell me
Don’t tell me
what to do--
I don’t take commands from you.
These blatent words are nothing new;
I’m in control and better without you.
You would probably be better, too,
‘Cause your fucked ass makes my anger brew.
Rage in my fist is more than me;
You are a bitch to watch and see--
A fight with self-control;
Don’t talk to me,
My time you stole:
Wasted doing petty jobs,
Cleaning up for all you slobs.
And, no, it isn’t right,
So with myself I start a fight,
While you watch and sit around;
Why am I the maid you found?

1995

“Dead of Day”

I sit around with myself
as time ticks by
forgetting to forget, my life is a just a bunch of shit.
Motion is no bounds yet the fan still makes its rounds.
Light is of no role, yet I don’t mind,
So why get up to open the blinds?
Sound is out but in my mind it’s louder than your life
(Which also speaks to nobody but itself
When surrounded by the dead of day)
and do I know or do I care,
as it is nothing at which I stare.
I am so bored in the dead of the day;
People exist, but stay away--
Away from the silence which can kill,
If you expose your mind...
Sit quietly and think about what should be.

“Death of a sky’s sun”

red blue black gray
drown me into the ground on which I lay
brown white red blue
the water is not live and nor are you
I am gone but not away
the shadows are our place to stay
under the death of the sun
that bleaches the white clouds
a stump remains of the tree
no shadow to protect me from me
so should we sit to be bleached and die?
from the hate which will forever lie
between our earth and the dead, gray sky

3 December, 1996

“Bottomless Well”

Why give to an empty well?
The 2 sided coin can go to hell.
What could make one take a fall
Into an endless, pointless call,
Where all you give is not enough;
The road is hell yet much more rough,
And though I stay rather strong,
The question is,
But for how long?
Because you leave me emptier,
And you’re the well that brought me here.
Yet still I give love back to you,
And receive nothing,
So why is it new?
DARK.
6 days ago the sun was bright,
But then you extinguished all the light.
I felt the heat that was put out--
Gone away,
Leaving no doubt...
You hate me, you hate me
So why do I still look at the sun?
To see what is left?
Nothing.
Because you doubted me?
Or because when I struggle in the dark you laugh?

23 December, 1996

“Returning to Innosence?”

To touch
and feel
to penetrate
a heart of steel
a crevice, a crack
to see through
a heart of black
To look and see what you can break
but it is fixed for no one’s sake
To open up and touch a light
without the god with which you fight
Yet now you see and soon will know
there is only one way i intend to go:
down.

1996

“Don’t touch her wings”

look
to see
touch
to feel
listen
to hear:
a rush of water, light,
or is it more?
tell if it is open.
again: unargued and unseen;
too pristine for eyes
too pure for hands
too innocent for thoughts
from an unpure subject of the disturbed earth
who was sent by the owner of corruption

4th May, 1997

Two eyes open simultaneously;
Synanomous with each other,
Both eyes glare empty starred
(into two more which in turn do the same)
And an exchange of emptiness evolves into an uneasy smile.
The two stop to greet one another--
Each going their opposite way,
To continue only half of the nothing they are
(and half of nothing is nothing,
while nothing plus nothing equals two).
Or maybe they are not nothing at all,
But I am without you.
Do you need me, too?

October, 1997

9 intoxicated

intoxicated
by the nine
deaf to time
i hear nothing but the pestilence
it calms me
piercingly loud
preterbing peace
the screeching persists
to calm the storm of tyranny
it leaves me deaf
but only then do i hear
(from the other ear)

27 March, 1998

“Death in your sea”

sicken me
ruin me
drown me
burn me
but release me, ashes and all
to fly in the salty air
and settle among’st the needles of your wreckage
among’st all which has died to your poison
befallen in your web of demension, of seduction,
hinder me
stop me
as long as i dissolve in your sea