Thoughts from Blue Angel
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2001-06-14 05:57:57 (UTC)


Well, after that especially inspiring last entry, Jason
came online wanting to talk. He was trying to fix the
situation, bless his heart, but he made something that was
ok (I was ok with it...honest) not ok. I might just have
to delete him from ICQ and ask him not to talk to me if
it's gonna make me feel this horrible about myself.

It's not that I was especially attached to him. I mean, anyone
who's kept track of my entries knows that I want Adam! It's just the
idea that yet another guy rejected me. At least it was for someone
else and not choosing to be lonely over me.

It's hard to keep that positive and confident attitude up
when things like this happen, but I have to. I have to
take it in stride, or I'll end up right where I was to
begin with. I'm stronger than that now. I'm more mature.
I'm growing. Letting this get me too far down would be
regressing, and I refuse to go back to where I was. I
refuse to let anyone make me feel less-than-adequate,
because I am more than good enough. I'm intelligent and
caring, and I don't need to have a supermodel-thin body and
movie-star face to be worthy of someone's love.

In fact, as I said before, I'm not going to let
disappointments and rejections stop me from getting what I
want. On the contrary, I'm going to work harder because of
them. I'm going to make myself better so that I know (even
if they never do) that everyone who has ever rejected me is
missing out on a relationship (romantic or otherwise) with
one awesome chick!

So, I'm going to let myself cry these tears now, because
tears are a healthy part of life, but when I wake up in the
morning, I can promise you that they'll all be gone, and
I'll be that much stronger.