Visions Of Life
2002-05-31 04:08:43 (UTC)

In 10 Years....

I guess things are better.. Im not as depressed.. Not quite
right but no thoughts of ending my pitiful existances. Had
lots and lots of sex this morning. Im not sure who out
sexed who.. lol. I was in pain.. like when i had the
surgery.. then i had sex and it went away... I was scared
for a bit.. I was scared in general last night. Paranoid,
even. I slept with the light on, facing the door, curled in
a ball trembling.. Then i couldnt sleep.. didnt sleep till
after i had like 20 orgasms.. the sun was up, i wasnt
alone. all was good.. kinda..

I still feel really hopeless. I have trouble seeing the
sunlight. Im just not myseslf.. Dont want to live, dont
want to die, dont want to be, dont want to vanish.

Here is what i want in 10 years..

-a townhouses, even if im just resnting it.. i want a
basesment so i can have a pool table,a punching bag and a
bondage rack..

-I want to finish nursing school so i actually have a
respectable career..

-I want to haves run for office and have won

-I want to be engaged.... or married... hopefully to the
man i love, if he ever wants to go there...

-I want to have published some poems in magazines and/or
have published a chap book

-I want to have full confidence and be truly happy

What is it with the heart?
Why do we say such things
Claim not to want
When our dreams speak the truth