Autumn Always
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2002-05-30 22:27:16 (UTC)

Leather and Lace

Today was somewhat interesting. I don't know what kind of a
mood I got into, but Katie came over and we decided to have
an all out GIRLS day because life just sucked yesterday.
After talking meaningfully for quite awhile we went to
Birds and Bees Risque for the hell of it and bought some...
interesting toys... and then we went to the movie rental
and rented porn. Harcore girls on girls, guys on girls, and
one I encredibly enjoyed called Silent Echos mimiced
somewhat after Stir of Echos, it was pretty cheesey but the
whole, "relax and give in" thing was pretty wonderfull.
*drool* I felt absolutly wicked and pleased with myself.
I've never done anything like that. She then went home to
see her husband :) And then of course I sent Patrick an
email, things have been lately and he barely even
blinked at it and I just feel ticked off. We need to "talk"
I can only do so much and it's very hard right now
especially. Katie gave me alot of good advice without even
realizing what I was asking it for. She's so wonderfull.
But I'm tired oh so tired of feeling pushed aside, placated
or taken for granted. I'm looking for a reaction here and
when I don't get one after making myself vulnrable for the
sake of another I feel not only let down but pushed down. I
just don't know what to do. On top of everything else I
feel like I'm going to explode sometimes I swear. I'm off
for now, Lynn is coming over to introdice me to
her "friend" I can't wait, I'm not in company mood but
maybe it will cheer me up. Off I go.....