Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2002-05-30 20:27:35 (UTC)

slept well

I slept well last night. I did have this 5-10 second flash
that kept coming around. Me, Dave and a kitchen table.
You can guess the rest...me on my back and him
thrusting. Not the image I needed to have in my mind
last night. I tried not to think about it infact. It didn't take
long to fall asleep. I had my fan going so it wasn't as
hot as the night before.

I just have to figure out how to waste 3 hours with him
tomorrow. I'm sure I've said it before that we haven't
spent much time together in person. We haven't talked
much in person either. I mean he sort of tries to start a
conversation with me, but I don't usually have much to
say.

He is arriving at 1pm tomorrow so I'll treat him to
espresso if he wants some. Cal doesn't get out of
class until 4 which is why I have the 3 free hours with
him. If she has to work tomorrow that means even
more time just the two of us.

I know we need some time together so we can chat
more. I need time to really feel comfortable around
him. I am so comfortable talking to him online.

We talked about me being really assertive online and
especially last night. I mean I've not been that assertive
with anyone I know in person. And not that assertive
with anyone else for that matter. I've done some stuff
with people before, but never quite that much.

I'm cool with it now though. It was wierding me out a bit
this morning, but I am feeling normal now. He a great
friend. That is what it all came down to.

He loves me as a friend, but that is it!!! I am so glad
because I love John so much. He is so amazing. I
don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him
or not. I think I might, but I haven't been with him long
enough to really know yet.

I will just have to wait and see how tomorrow turns out.
Dave is going to talk to the girl that just dumped on him.
She did it online I think. She wants to still be his friend
though. So, they're talking in person today after he gets
home. He said he might be online tonight. I think I
need a little normal time with him online before
tomorrow.

I keep going over in my head who really started the
whole conversation yesterday. I am not sure. I mean I
thought it was me, but he said it was him. I guess it
doesn't really matter then. We were both at fault so we
can move on and just file it in our memory banks.

I think we need to just talk like normal tonight. I will do
my best not to get the conversation in the gutter. I don't
need that tonight. I need tonight to be normal. He is my
dear friend but neither of us want to ruin our friendship
over something so stupid. We're both clear on where
we stand.

It is kind of exciting to think about the fun we had
though. We didn't really do much and I don't know if he
really whipped it out and jacked off or not. I just know
what I did.

We did suggest things to the other like I said I had two
nice set of lips for his dick...