Lost and Searching
2002-05-30 04:37:29 (UTC)

This is How I did It

I couldn't tell nick to his face what was wrong with me, so
i did the fool's way out and wrote him a letter, and it
went like this.

Dear Nick,
You know I love you as if you were really one of my
brothers...And I know you have always been there for me,
and I have always confided in you....I am sorry it hurts
you that I could not confide in you this time...I am not
sure how to tell you this, and it kills you that I can not
tell you this in person, but I don't think I can handle the
look on your face...You see Nick, I am dying......Its not
something that I have known a long time, its just come up
in the last year or so....Now don't get upset, bewildered,
or pissed off...Because I need some one else besides me to
be strong.....Trust me, I know all there is to know about
whats wrong with, so don't be trying to find me some
miracle doctors..I am sorry that I have decieved you for so
long, but I needed to be treated like a normal person, not
some pity subject...You once told me you didn't want your
daughter growing up like me, first it hurt, but then I am
not sure, if she didn't then she would be missing out on a
special friendship....Please don't search me out right
away, it was hard enough writing you, but when you do see
me again...just smile, give me a hug, and let's get on for
another day....

I love you so much