2002-05-29 21:45:35 (UTC)

girls don't know

i just got off the phone with tara. what do you know? she
thinks i am a jerk. why? because i told her i thought she
was only letting me down easy when she said that she just
wants to be friends. which i honestly think is true. that
is the way every girl i have ever met in my life has been
to me when i have shown interest in them. If only she knew
of all the nights i have spent thinking about her. wishing
that i could just be with her and wishing for her wanting
to be with me. I guess those are only wishes after all. If
she only knew how much i am in love with her. how she is
all i think about. how she means the world to me. She had
me believing that we could be together, she said that she
had feelings for me. I bought flowers to be delivered to
her school. I called the place Tuesday morning and
cancelled the delivery. I didn't get a refund either. so
not only did she cost me 6 months worth of wasted time,
wasted energy, and wasted feelings of love, she also cost
me $22.50. I love that girl so much. even now after she is
mad at me and probably never wants to talk to me again, i
hate myself for making her feel bad. i have never felt this
way about anyone before. and to know that she doesn't
notice this kills me. the fact that all she sees in her
eyes are visions of travis or some other guy more
attractive that I makes me feel worthless. i try to keep my
emotions in when i am around her, i dont want her to think
i am weak, but its hard to fight back tears when she tells
me that she isn't interested in me. i can't bother to tell
her exactly how i feel because i dont think she will take
me seriously. oh well, i guess you can't have the one you
want unless you are blessed with great looks and a killer
body. Playing a guitar doesn't hurt either. Obviously it
has helped travis out quite a bit.

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