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2002-05-29 19:35:50 (UTC)

The Semester In Review

ok, im writing.This lastest semester in school has made me
do almost a 360 degree turn in the way i think, act, and
feel. First things first. Two For Flinching has brought
forth new experiences and new people to which i hope i will
never forget. Sadly, it has brought people into my life
that i wish i could forget. Tara, for instance. I love her
so much but all she can see is our beloved bass player.
Everyone that knows me probably realizes just how jealous i
am of him. Not just for unintentionally taking away the
girl i have been chasing for months, but for everything he
does. Everyone seems to be attracted to him. He can have
almost any girl he chooses. and doesn't settle for anything
short of perfect. and its great that the only girl i have
ever wanted in my life is blinded by his presence. i have
told tara in the past just how much she has meant to me she
either finds some way to change the subject or blasts me
with age old excuses such as "i just want to be friends",
"im confused about all this". so basically i get a red
light. But she spills her love to the great travis. and
what is so great is that travis doesn't even like her. and
the age difference is crazy. but i guess girls only like
the ones they can't have. That sucks because i have never
loved someone so much in my life.
Onto another subject that has been bothering me. My father.
The man has nothing good to say about me ever. A day at his
house is full of insults about the way i look, what i wear,
and my interests. and the fact that he is an asshole after
almost a decade's separation from him really bothers me.
For years, all i wanted was for him to be there. to be with
me. to teach me things that i thought a father should teach
his son. Now, i can barely stand to be around the guy
because of his constant insults. Also the fact that i now
have a 6 year old half brother in the picture makes matters
worse. Yes, im jealous of him too. He gets to do everything
with his father that i never could. And the fact that dad
is totally dedicated to him makes matters worse. He is
totally a "soccer dad" to him. when i was his age i only
saw him on my birthday and christmas. and we never really
had a relationship then. It was mostly he gave me and my
sister gifts and thought that would justify his absence
until next year. I think of all the times i chased after
his car after he drove away. never once did he turn back.
and then just like that he was out of my life for ten
years. sometimes i wish he never came back...

"saving the world is great, but i have to save myself
first" -Death By Stereo-

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