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2002-05-29 06:18:39 (UTC)

i am more than you will see

im totally digging this song right now...
today was a really wired day. like, the guy at the post
office made me cry... thats when you know you're losing
it... and yeah..
i decided i dont have a chance... and i probably shouldnt
even want one... so.. you win some you lose some..?
i try to remember that this is nothing new.. ive liked
people like this before, and sometimes it works out,
sometimes it doesnt.. and either way, its bullshit in the
end, so why do i bother? why do i care when he doesnt?
(either he...) i really have no hope in finding a life long
love soul mate whatever, anything that really lasts.. so i
should stop putting so much thought into things when
really.. nobody else does.
i miss ashley. if youre reading this, i miss you. i know
it has to be like this but.. it just sucks. why am i
always the other girl, never The girl...
so i worked 9 and a half hours, which i havent done in like
2 years... it was okay though.. then i went to dennys with
claudia and jinks.. chaz showed up with one of his
friends.. and alli and sebastien came by.. which was like,
too many people and i was trying to be mellow, it wasnt
working for me.. but interesting that me and alli are cool
now. chaz's friend was very cool. he kinda reminded me of
sergio. id like to get to know him, he didnt seem shallow
at all. and i think hes gay, so thats a safe thing.
i just want to sleep... and sleep...i usually hate that,
such a waste of time, but.. i cant shake this feeling that
its time to grow up. i should be over all this girly drama
bullshit by now. i should learn to be more about me.
claudia and i are going to chill friday before work. tht'll
be nice, i miss her. like i said, if shes happy i wont
complain, but.. in my own selfish way, im pretty bitter.
everything has changed so much.. like i didnt even notice
it all happening, so so fast... "it all slips away so
slowly, you dont even notice til you've lost a lot..." i
have to stop looking for someone to depend on, and depend
on myself. take care of myself. and right now, i think i
need to sleep. i have lots of stuf to take care of
tomorrow. and yay for no work=) bedtime.